On my mind and heart

Not everyone who reads this is a Christian, but I am. I won't apologise for that, and I won't be apologising for writing this post either. If you're truly offended, just don't read it, mmmm'kay? In short, it's my blog, and I'll write what I want to write. :)

I've been feeling challenged lately. Really, really challenged. Overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life. Nappies, noise, mess, homesickness, pregnancy, tantrums, bad hair days, exhaustion - the lot of it. Normal stuff. Nothing earth-shattering, just normal stuff that millions of mothers go through worldwide, every single day. But I've not been handling it well. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

I realised several things:

I hadn't been to Bible study in about 6 weeks. We'd decided not to go for a while, because C was just too tired after two days of preschool. Without that weekly time of fellowship and study, I just wasn't reading my Bible at all. And I was feeling really out of touch with everyone. I'd throw up a half-hearted effort at prayer, or do some spot praying when someone asked for prayers, but wasn't putting in a regular focused effort. I'd lost touch with God, and was feeling the effects. He never went anywhere, but I stopped acknowledging His presence, stopped relying on Him fully. I felt alone, and powerless - because the truth is that without Him, I am alone and powerless.

I'd missed church several weeks in a row. Maybe some people can do that and be okay - I'm not one of them. I realise now that I need that connection, just like I need water. Without it I feel dry and lifeless.

I need to incorporate a regular time of devotion and prayer into my daily life. Not so I can check things off a list, but because it keeps my attention focused where it needs to be. So for me, I'm finding that with my coffee or tea in the morning is a good time. And I can't let myself get hung up on not doing it 'perfectly'. With two small children who are very much dependent on me, it is unlikely that I will get an uninterrupted hour of 'quiet time'. So I start it, and if I have to pause, no big deal. I just pick up where I left off. It might even take me an entire day to get through it. But the important thing is that I make the effort. God will honour my intention in that area, I'm sure.

Putting my focus back where it needs to be, on God and His unchanging love, hasn't changed any of the small stuff. Nappies, noise, mess, homesickness, pregnancy, tantrums, bad hair days, exhaustion - they are all still there. But what it has done - it has shown me that none of those things are insurmountable, if I rely on His strength, and not my own.

So am I still feeling challenged? Frightened? Weary? Sure. But it no longer feels as though I'm all alone, fighting an unwinnable battle. I've got a mighty, Mighty God, charging into the fray before me.

XOXO,
Sarah