Blessed
It's such a weird feeling, you know? To look around you, and see that nothing in your circumstances has changed. There are still crumbs on the floor, my kids still whine and argue,
hang on. A couple of surprise sneezes derailed that train of thought. Note to self: you're out of clean pants, do some laundry tomorrow!
Ah, that's better...
Yes - circumstances have not changed one iota. And yet, I feel 180 degrees different today than I did a week ago. A week ago, I was crying at the thought of being here all day. A week ago, I wanted to run after my husband as he left for work, and beg him to stay home. Today, the house is still chaotic, the kids are still noisy, the laundry pile is bigger than ever, and I'm looking at a late night for the kids because we all had a nap. But none of it bothers me today, and has bothered me less and less all week. I feel more relaxed right now than I have in years. No amount of chocolate, no amount of sleep, no amount of carbohydrates could hope to give me the peace I've found this week in knowing Jesus. Even reading my Bible has become something to look forward to - I'm reading it and for the first time in my life, it's more than just words printed on paper. I feel as if I'm getting to know the people in those pages, so much so that I sometimes laugh out loud or shout at them while I'm reading. Much the way I do when watching a movie. It has become real to me, in a way that is as much of a surprise as if I found out Narnia and Middle Earth really do exist.
It's also humbling (and strange) to realise that without feeling the need to gripe about stuff, I'm surprisingly short on things to say. I'm afraid you all run the very real risk of being bored to death by tales of my amazing kids, my terrific husband, and our very blessed life here in the land of Oz.
I think I'm feeling the baby move now - it's either that or I'm in for one doozy of a night. You'd think I'd know what it feels like, what with this being my third time and all, but I don't remember. Mildly annoyed with myself over that one, but what can you do? Not much but wait for a definitive kick to the ribs.
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Woke up in the wee (pun intended) hours of the morning, with pretty uncomfortable pain in my right side, in the vicinity of my kidney. Got up, had my nightly visit to the toilet, and laid back down on the other side. Seemed to fade away. Note to self: drink more water during the day!
I started this last night, and picked it up again this morning. A prime example of the 'new' me would be the following:
While catching up on email, checking facebook and so on, I assumed that my children were catching up on their cartoons. I walk into the lounge room to find my 3 year old's hair covered in moisturising cream, the toddler's face covered in soothing lotion, and the coffee table smeared with soothing lotion AND moisturising cream. Last week, I would have descended into a psychotic tantrum, shouting, screaming, and generally behaving like a lunatic. Today, thanks to the change in my perspective, I simply said, "That's a very naughty thing to do", took them to the bathtub, chucked them in, and now will clean it. Because in the end, is it worth becoming a total nutcase? Not really. It's a mess, like any other - and it can be cleaned. And really, how can I lose the plot, when they look at me, covered in mess, knowing that they've done something wrong, their adorable faces pleading for a bit of grace and mercy? As God has shown me grace and mercy, let me show it to them today.
Time to go clean up the mess and truly start my day!
XOXO,
Sarah
hang on. A couple of surprise sneezes derailed that train of thought. Note to self: you're out of clean pants, do some laundry tomorrow!
Ah, that's better...
Yes - circumstances have not changed one iota. And yet, I feel 180 degrees different today than I did a week ago. A week ago, I was crying at the thought of being here all day. A week ago, I wanted to run after my husband as he left for work, and beg him to stay home. Today, the house is still chaotic, the kids are still noisy, the laundry pile is bigger than ever, and I'm looking at a late night for the kids because we all had a nap. But none of it bothers me today, and has bothered me less and less all week. I feel more relaxed right now than I have in years. No amount of chocolate, no amount of sleep, no amount of carbohydrates could hope to give me the peace I've found this week in knowing Jesus. Even reading my Bible has become something to look forward to - I'm reading it and for the first time in my life, it's more than just words printed on paper. I feel as if I'm getting to know the people in those pages, so much so that I sometimes laugh out loud or shout at them while I'm reading. Much the way I do when watching a movie. It has become real to me, in a way that is as much of a surprise as if I found out Narnia and Middle Earth really do exist.
It's also humbling (and strange) to realise that without feeling the need to gripe about stuff, I'm surprisingly short on things to say. I'm afraid you all run the very real risk of being bored to death by tales of my amazing kids, my terrific husband, and our very blessed life here in the land of Oz.
I think I'm feeling the baby move now - it's either that or I'm in for one doozy of a night. You'd think I'd know what it feels like, what with this being my third time and all, but I don't remember. Mildly annoyed with myself over that one, but what can you do? Not much but wait for a definitive kick to the ribs.
==========
Woke up in the wee (pun intended) hours of the morning, with pretty uncomfortable pain in my right side, in the vicinity of my kidney. Got up, had my nightly visit to the toilet, and laid back down on the other side. Seemed to fade away. Note to self: drink more water during the day!
I started this last night, and picked it up again this morning. A prime example of the 'new' me would be the following:
While catching up on email, checking facebook and so on, I assumed that my children were catching up on their cartoons. I walk into the lounge room to find my 3 year old's hair covered in moisturising cream, the toddler's face covered in soothing lotion, and the coffee table smeared with soothing lotion AND moisturising cream. Last week, I would have descended into a psychotic tantrum, shouting, screaming, and generally behaving like a lunatic. Today, thanks to the change in my perspective, I simply said, "That's a very naughty thing to do", took them to the bathtub, chucked them in, and now will clean it. Because in the end, is it worth becoming a total nutcase? Not really. It's a mess, like any other - and it can be cleaned. And really, how can I lose the plot, when they look at me, covered in mess, knowing that they've done something wrong, their adorable faces pleading for a bit of grace and mercy? As God has shown me grace and mercy, let me show it to them today.
Time to go clean up the mess and truly start my day!
XOXO,
Sarah
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