Stuff to Do

we yearn for home, but endlessly seek what is next     the next town, the next year, the next job, the next home. we long for peace and quiet, yet fill our lives with the noise of life we wish for rest, even as we add more things to our calendars. what if the yearning, seeking, longing, and wishing stopped for a moment? What if we just  stopped. Would we find that the home, the peace, the quiet, the rest we so desperately crave are in front of us after all, and we are the ones hiding it behind all the other things?  What if the secret walled garden is right there, waiting - and we can't find the doorway because we never allow ourselves to be still? I think I shall take some time to just still my body, quiet my mind, and steady my heart, and wait for the peace and rest to reveal itself to me. 

I went on holidays, and as it always seems to happen, I did a lot of thinking about my life.  At the beginning of December, I acknowledged that I was not in a good headspace. Yes, I'd gotten the ADHD sorted, and that was kind of under control (as long as I remember to take my meds, that is - be right back!)  Okay, I'm back. Obviously, or I wouldn't be typing. ANYHOW... I was not in a good headspace. Everything kind of snuck up on me, and it wasn't like a dramatic breakdown that was obvious. It was a subtle shift, a slow decrease in my emotional capacity to cope with ordinary life. I was irritable, weepy, with very little energy or enthusiasm for anything that I used to love doing. Everything was difficult, and I had reached the point of just not caring. That place, where I didn't even want to try anymore. I was doing most of what I needed to do, but on autopilot. I found myself more and more sitting in my car, having escaped for a few minutes, wishing I could just b