Stuff to Do

in which I made perhaps the most painful decision of my life, and lived to tell the tale. I went to university. Because that's what you're supposed to do after high school, and the alternative was to stay at home and get a 'real' job. So I went to Indiana University of Pennsylvania. I wanted to pursue a career as a singer, but two out of three parents didn't believe in me enough to encourage that. And when someone keeps telling you you're not good enough, you believe them. So I went to university, to pursue a music education degree. It was a mistake. It wasn't what I wanted, and I was terrible at it. Then came the events that led to That Day. I was home on summer break, and looking forward to going back for a summer session to try and repeat a couple of classes so I could go back in the fall. I remember I had pitched a tent out in the yard and 'camped out' with my older little brother (I think he would have been 3 at the time). Early in the morning,

Sit down - this could take a while... I don't often talk about my past. It's a large part of who I am, but I don't want it to define my future. So I don't often share the details with people. Maybe because I don't want them to feel sorry for me, I don't know. But maybe because I'm reflecting on motherhood so much lately, I feel like the time has come to share some background with y'all. I've chosen to do this in two (or more?) parts, because it's just too much for me to think about this late at night. So here's part one. Comfy? Good. Here we go... I grew up in a small town. My parents were drug addicts and alcoholics. I am blessed with a very sketchy memory of my early childhood. I remember bits and pieces, but most of what might have been negative seems to be missing from my memory. I remember spending happy times with my cousins, I remember going to church, to Vacation Bible School, singing in the kids' choir at church, and other little

I've never been much of a morning person. Until recently, I couldn't speak coherently until about 4pm. But slowly, steadily - a change has been creeping over me. I would still cherish the occasional sleep-in, don't get me wrong! But I look forward to morning with an enthusiasm that could only be considered bizarre. And that's without a giant cup of coffee, mind you! The only thing I do differently now is to start my day with God. I get up, make C some breakfast, grab a cup of tea, and sit down to start my daily devotion time. What I look forward to more than anything is reading God's word. And I think that's why I now love mornings. After that daily injection from the Lord, I feel as though I can move mountains. So I start my tasks with vigor, instead of dread. I still can't say I love to clean the kitchen, but I like that as I do it, I am praising God. I like the notion that everything I do, I want it to be an act of worship. Worshipping by scrubbing toil

Plans are good. But you should always be ready to chuck them out the window and start over. Because life? Yeah, it doesn't always go to plan. Yesterday I woke up, I had a plan. There was certainty in how my day would go. I would do X,Y,Z - and my day would go 1,2,3. Enter sick children here. Add P, who just wants to be held, C who can and will find her own entertainment if I am busy with P, and it results in more chaos and mess than I started with. The hardest part was in letting go of my plans, and letting the day unfold as it would. I stubbornly tried to persist in my plan, to power through, as it were. And it fell apart. I think when I came into the room as C was emptying my bookshelf, and then she showed me her latest carpet masterpiece (honey??), I cried out to Lord. Literally, which she responded to by saying "Mommy, you don't say that - you say "Praise the Lord!" - it's something I've taught her to say instead of Oh. My. God. She's not quite ol

I've got a to do list that's a mile long. I've got two sick, cranky, kids who are Riverdancing on my last shred of sanity. I've got a house that was astonishingly clean two days ago, and today looks like the 'before' on an episode of Clean Sweep. None of it matters, because of the most important thing I do have. My hope in Jesus Christ. That one thing is so big, so bright, so all-encompassing, that the other things kind of fade away. That's not to say I don't have to deal with them, but rather that when I do deal with them, I'll be marching into battle behind the mightiest General who ever lived. I can almost identify with the Israelites marching around the walls of Jericho. And like those Israelites, I will conquer the mountain of tasks, the supreme irritability of my children, and even the mess that has invaded my home. With faith in a mighty God, with His love, and His perseverance. Life is hard, but God? Is so very faithful. And because of that,

That's all I can do. For starters, I'll finish this update and then walk away from the computer for the day. Because I'm up to my eyeballs in snot, fevers, medicine, and attitude, and will only get frustrated if I try to do anything that doesn't involve giving my undivided attention to my girls today. We have to go to the chemist, for more sick people supplies, and I'm not looking forward to it. Especially, my wallet isn't looking forward to it. Why do children's medicines have to be so expensive??? Anywho, we'll also combine that with a trip to the grocery store, so I can get things for dinner. Or we might just have pizza, since it's cheap pizza night at the local pizza chain. Last night was interesting. C was really feverish - 39.3 (102.7), and after stacking two different fever reducers, it finally came down. But she was having fever dreams, so she was really restless. P went to bed okay, but woke up with a fever 38.2 (100.7), and after some spong

This post is coming to you from my house. Where I will be spending church today. You see, my girls are not well, and as I take them to church by myself, and I'm pretty sure there's no creche today, I will not be taking them. So my Sunday worship service today will look a little different to normal. First off, I'm wearing pajamas. Second, I probably won't have a quiet time of prayer this morning. Instead, I'll be mentally thanking God for my two precious girls, and praying to the sounds of The Muppet Show. Third, I will not be able to share a time of fellowship with my fellow believers. Instead, I'll be sharing fellowship with my girls, which may or may not take the following form: nose-wiping, cuddles, kisses, scolding, dvd-changing, singing, playing pretend, or sleeping. My time of reflection on God's word will likely be accompanied by a soundtrack of sweet voices, crying voices, cartoon voices, demanding voices, whimpery voices, and will more than likely b

I have a to-do list that is a mile long. And the motivation to get through it. But I'm very, very tired. After yesterday's shopping debacle, and some whopping "Hey-you-idiot-sit-down-and-RELAX" Braxton Hicks contractions, I'm sort of over the flurry of activity. So today, instead of rushing through the list in order to get to the end of it, I'll just take my time with one task until it's finished. No Herculean efforts, no getting winded - just slow and steady. It kind of goes against my natural process, but I think it will be better for me - and the baby. Been reading about the Samuel/Saul/Jonathan/David scenario, and I have to say that I feel sorry for Saul. Sure, he was arrogant and paranoid, and yes, he did try to kill David. But in his heart he knew it wasn't right. He just can't admit that he needs God, and since I'm not to the end of this saga yet (I've probably read it before but this is the first time I've REALLY read it), I a

P has decided that she'd like to lose the nappies. Or at least start the process. I can only assume that's what she is trying to tell me by taking them off all the time. Either that, or I've got a future flasher in the making. She's been telling me about pee and poo for ages - I was just going to wait until summer, when it's warm enough for her to be sans pants. But she's pushed us ahead of schedule. Which is okay. I just have to adjust my thinking a bit, and schedule a couple of weeks in the near future (maybe during next school holidays) to do an intensive burst (no pun intended) of potty training. It's kind of a sick joke that she's learned and is beginning to use the word "no" at the same time as potty training. The sleep thing. Finally, we've got P sorted out. Turns out, all she needed was a decent, consistent bedtime routine. She needs it much more than C ever did. C's reluctance over bedtime was all about daytime naps. If we with

It's such a weird feeling, you know? To look around you, and see that nothing in your circumstances has changed. There are still crumbs on the floor, my kids still whine and argue, hang on. A couple of surprise sneezes derailed that train of thought. Note to self: you're out of clean pants, do some laundry tomorrow! Ah, that's better... Yes - circumstances have not changed one iota. And yet, I feel 180 degrees different today than I did a week ago. A week ago, I was crying at the thought of being here all day. A week ago, I wanted to run after my husband as he left for work, and beg him to stay home. Today, the house is still chaotic, the kids are still noisy, the laundry pile is bigger than ever, and I'm looking at a late night for the kids because we all had a nap. But none of it bothers me today, and has bothered me less and less all week. I feel more relaxed right now than I have in years. No amount of chocolate, no amount of sleep, no amount of carbohydrates could

Not everyone who reads this is a Christian, but I am. I won't apologise for that, and I won't be apologising for writing this post either. If you're truly offended, just don't read it, mmmm'kay? In short, it's my blog, and I'll write what I want to write. :) I've been feeling challenged lately. Really, really challenged. Overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life. Nappies, noise, mess, homesickness, pregnancy, tantrums, bad hair days, exhaustion - the lot of it. Normal stuff. Nothing earth-shattering, just normal stuff that millions of mothers go through worldwide, every single day. But I've not been handling it well. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I realised several things: I hadn't been to Bible study in about 6 weeks. We'd decided not to go for a while, because C was just too tired after two days of preschool. Without that weekly time of fellowship and study, I just wasn't reading my Bible at all. And I was feeling really out o