I'm A Good Mother
Go figure, I call my blog Something To Say and then don't say a word for 5 months. Meh. So I've been busy, but my brain has been busier - struggling to put the bits and pieces into words that make a tiny bit of sense. Lately, I've been going through the motions of motherhood. Doing what needs to be done, but I'm not really there. Smiling feels forced, like something I do because it's seems like an appropriate response. Zero joy in anything. I love my children, but really don't like motherhood. I've been struggling with this in my head, afraid to say it out loud, because I know that some people won't understand that, and I can't deal with the guilt of being thought ungrateful on top of the general internal feeling of *ugh* that I feel just about every single day. I've been doing a lot of introspection, and man, it's messy in my head. There's the low self-esteem, covered in mother-guilt, wrapped up in broken sleep, and an overwhelm