Stuff to Do

I hadn't intended to write anything today, but at church this morning I was challenged by the message, and I wanted to share my thoughts.  We've been learning about love, from 1 Corinthians 13. Today, Love is Not Selfish.  As a mother to four young children, supporting a husband through a law degree while trying to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good stepmother, a good everything - I get depleted rapidly. I struggle with self-care, and today's message challenged me in this area. The difference between self-care and self-love for me is that self-care is really about caring for others. I can't give endlessly of myself without refilling my own tank. Self-love however, declares - "I am doing this because I deserve it. Because I am worth it." It has nothing to do with others.  I came to the conclusion that self-care isn't selfish. It is making sure I am fit to care for my family, by doing things that restore me. Taking my daughter to creche (church n

When I was depressed after the birth of my second daughter, I used to get inexplicably annoyed at people who would tell me "you have so much to be thankful for". I couldn't put words to my annoyance, even in my own head. After a few years of reflection, and a couple of brushes with depression since then, I can. Being depressed didn't make me ungrateful. And implying that I wasn't thankful for all I had, it didn't make me more thankful. It didn't make me not depressed. What it actually did was to pile on a heap of guilt, which only made the depression heavier and heavier. What I needed was for someone to say "I am here with you, and I will not leave you". I needed someone to tell me that I was not a horrible person, I was not a horrible wife, a horrible mother, and so not worthless. I needed someone to squeeze my hand. I needed sleep. Oh, how I needed sleep.  These days, when the shadows whisper, my first clue that something is amiss is usually