Self-Care vs. Self-Love
I hadn't intended to write anything today, but at church this morning I was challenged by the message, and I wanted to share my thoughts.
We've been learning about love, from 1 Corinthians 13. Today, Love is Not Selfish.
As a mother to four young children, supporting a husband through a law degree while trying to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good stepmother, a good everything - I get depleted rapidly. I struggle with self-care, and today's message challenged me in this area. The difference between self-care and self-love for me is that self-care is really about caring for others. I can't give endlessly of myself without refilling my own tank. Self-love however, declares - "I am doing this because I deserve it. Because I am worth it." It has nothing to do with others.
I came to the conclusion that self-care isn't selfish. It is making sure I am fit to care for my family, by doing things that restore me. Taking my daughter to creche (church nursery for my American friends), and leaving her there in spite of her repeated pleas to come to church with me - it wasn't selfish. I required time alone (without my children) in worship, so that I can be a more effective and loving mother. I require their absence, in order to cheerfully welcome them back into my presence. Still with me?
God doesn't require that I be Him. He knows that I am human, with finite patience, energy. My body cannot sustain endless giving, and so I don't think it selfish to take time apart from the demands of raising a small family to recharge and rest. I think the line is drawn between saying "I need this" and "I deserve this", and being honest about what we need is important. This mama absolutely needs time apart from the chaos and noise, spent in prayer and contemplation, in order to calm the chaos and noise in her own head and heart. Without it, I am resentful, irritable, and downright unpleasant. I love my family enough to give them the gift of a wife and mother who is whole, healthy, and (mostly!) sane.
xo, Sarah
We've been learning about love, from 1 Corinthians 13. Today, Love is Not Selfish.
As a mother to four young children, supporting a husband through a law degree while trying to be a good friend, a good daughter, a good stepmother, a good everything - I get depleted rapidly. I struggle with self-care, and today's message challenged me in this area. The difference between self-care and self-love for me is that self-care is really about caring for others. I can't give endlessly of myself without refilling my own tank. Self-love however, declares - "I am doing this because I deserve it. Because I am worth it." It has nothing to do with others.
I came to the conclusion that self-care isn't selfish. It is making sure I am fit to care for my family, by doing things that restore me. Taking my daughter to creche (church nursery for my American friends), and leaving her there in spite of her repeated pleas to come to church with me - it wasn't selfish. I required time alone (without my children) in worship, so that I can be a more effective and loving mother. I require their absence, in order to cheerfully welcome them back into my presence. Still with me?
God doesn't require that I be Him. He knows that I am human, with finite patience, energy. My body cannot sustain endless giving, and so I don't think it selfish to take time apart from the demands of raising a small family to recharge and rest. I think the line is drawn between saying "I need this" and "I deserve this", and being honest about what we need is important. This mama absolutely needs time apart from the chaos and noise, spent in prayer and contemplation, in order to calm the chaos and noise in her own head and heart. Without it, I am resentful, irritable, and downright unpleasant. I love my family enough to give them the gift of a wife and mother who is whole, healthy, and (mostly!) sane.
xo, Sarah
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