You can't make this stuff up...

So I'm still feeling a bit low. But the most amazing thing happened to me this morning, and I just had to

share it with everyone.

 

I was at home, considering staying home from church today. I didn't really feel like socialising with anyone, and the girls have a bit of the local germfest happening. I just wasn't in the right headspace. So I was all set to stay home, and then my friend rang, asking if I could sing in her place today, as her boys are all sick. Now I don't know what you all would make of that, but I took it as a message from God - "get your butt to church, missy!" So I said yes, even though it would mean wrangling a toddler and a not-quite preschooler all on my own, while at the same time trying to sing. Not usually on top of the 'fun' list.

 

But something happened in my heart today.

 

It was so subtle at first. A few of the passages in the songs, they just reached inside me, and

gripped my heart with such force, I could scarcely breathe, let alone sing:

 

Early in the morning

I will celebrate the light

And when I stumble in the darkness

I will call your name by night

 

I've been doing my share of stumbling in the darkness as of late, and yes, it's brought me to my knees, crying out to God. Weeping with my whole body, at the sheer weight of the burdens that I've been carrying.

 

These next passages are from a song titled "Shout to the North"

 

Rise up women of the truth

Stand and sing to broken hearts

Who can know the healing power

Of our awesome King of love?

 

and

 

Rise up church with broken wings

Fill this place with songs again

Of our God who reigns on high

By His grace again we'll fly

 

the first passage - my heart has felt bruised, and I've long believed in the healing power of music. When I miscarried my twins, just before Christmas in 2004, I was slated to sing the part of Mary in the church Christmas program. Yeah I know - the irony is unbelievable. But here's the thing: even though no one expected me to go through with it, I felt as though by doing it, I would somehow feel a bit healed. And I did.

So this passage, and the next, in speaking of broken hearts, and broken wings, felt very personal to me today. I think that God is allowing this low period for a very special and unique reason. I think he wants me to realise that without him, I am nothing - but, that "by His grace again we'll fly". I also got to chat, yesterday via Facebook, and today in person, with a new friend, who has been where I am. And she, like many others, offered this thought:

 

It is hard, and it does get better.

 

So I left church today with a lighter heart. Not quite a spring in my step, but definitely a lighter heart. And

that my friends, is a good thing. So while I'm not chipper (it takes a lot more coffee for that to happen), I am on the way back to normal. (or as normal as I can get) I thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to offer prayers, thoughts, kind words. I feel very loved and cared for, which is just what this weary soul needed.

 

XOXO,

Sarah