Letting it Go: The Saturday Edition

So on Saturdays, we generally go shopping for weekend provisions. This is a time when it becomes pretty obvious how different my husband and I actually are. He is laid back, preferring the weekends to be unplanned. He generally operates with a more fluid time than I do. On the other end, I prefer to know exactly what will happen, have activities/tasks scheduled (in ink, not pencil). We will do this at this time, it will take this long, and then we will do the next thing. It's how I do life with all these children.

This morning, I stayed in bed. I heard but didn't freak out about the sound of our eldest daughter making herself an egg. I woke up anxious, but stayed in bed and unpacked each thought, giving it space, then putting it away.

We went to do the shopping, and I spotted an elderly gentleman loaded with shopping bags. It brought back a memory of my father, and how he hated making two trips in from the car with the shopping. It struck me that I am so like him in so many ways, and my anxieties, my busy brain, it is the cerebral equivalent of carrying in the shopping. I have all these stray thoughts, and instead of treating each of them individually, and recognising that they are not all of equal importance, I make them all URGENT and try to think them all simultaneously. I don't know how to say, "Yes, Sarah - you saw the rug shop, and at some point you want to get a rug for your lounge room, but you don't have to do it today." and then get back to what I'm actually doing.

No wonder it's a mess in my head. I've got dozens of thoughts, all jostling like they're at a rave, all clamouring for attention. I've got four children and a husband, all saying "Look at me!". I've got a dog who needs a bath, a home which needs finishing/organising/cleaning, A weight problem which needs addressing, mental health screaming "ME FIRST", and words in my brain needing to get out.

It's enough to make me scream, and sometimes, I do. But today, I've learned that it's okay to not schedule my every waking moment, and the world will not end if things aren't exactly the way I've organised them to be.

I'm off to prepare some dinner, and make some lunch for the children, and then? I don't know, and that's perfectly fine.

XO, Sarah