Let It Go, Let It Go
I frequently admonish my children by saying "Do an Elsa, and let it GO!".
It seems I'm excellent at lowering expectations for everyone else in the universe except myself.
Someone told me that I project "I've got this", when the truth is that I'm stretched as far as I can go, and that I have no real capacity to stretch any more. One unexpected moment will snap my rubber band. She said that I have to let go of the appearance of 'handling it' (by more thoughtfully considering when to say 'yes' to some things) in order for others to help me. Personally, I think I'm an obvious hot mess every moment of my life, but it does have me wondering whether other people perceive that. Also, she said that my personal expectations seem to be that I should manage to do all of the things I think other stay at home parents do (clean house, organised children, volunteering, serving others, laundry caught up, healthy children, personal health and well-being), regardless of the fact that they have either a) fewer children or b) spousal support full-time, or c) older children. I do this by perpetually working beyond my limits, leaving me depleted and overwhelmed. Depleted and overwhelmed does not surprise me in the slightest, and the fact that she described me as 'intense' was puzzling, but also thought-provoking. I've long admired parents who can relax, and live simply in the moment. So how does one do that? Is it a learned skill, or is it something in the DNA? If I am the responsible adult in charge, how does that work? It's not like I can hand off the baton to someone else, because I'm kind of IT when my husband isn't here. If I say today, "the crumbs don't matter", they'll just be there tomorrow. I'm not actually handing off responsibility, I'm just procrastinating.
I didn't think it mattered so much to me what others thought, but I'm not sure who it is I'm trying to impress, if indeed I am.
I want my family to know I love them. So I love my guts out every way I know how, every day. I finish every day completely empty, with nothing left. Apparently this is not a sustainable practice, so I need to work out how to either reserve something for myself, or generate more of myself. But how?
Just some thoughts for this glorious Thursday afternoon,
Sarah
It seems I'm excellent at lowering expectations for everyone else in the universe except myself.
Someone told me that I project "I've got this", when the truth is that I'm stretched as far as I can go, and that I have no real capacity to stretch any more. One unexpected moment will snap my rubber band. She said that I have to let go of the appearance of 'handling it' (by more thoughtfully considering when to say 'yes' to some things) in order for others to help me. Personally, I think I'm an obvious hot mess every moment of my life, but it does have me wondering whether other people perceive that. Also, she said that my personal expectations seem to be that I should manage to do all of the things I think other stay at home parents do (clean house, organised children, volunteering, serving others, laundry caught up, healthy children, personal health and well-being), regardless of the fact that they have either a) fewer children or b) spousal support full-time, or c) older children. I do this by perpetually working beyond my limits, leaving me depleted and overwhelmed. Depleted and overwhelmed does not surprise me in the slightest, and the fact that she described me as 'intense' was puzzling, but also thought-provoking. I've long admired parents who can relax, and live simply in the moment. So how does one do that? Is it a learned skill, or is it something in the DNA? If I am the responsible adult in charge, how does that work? It's not like I can hand off the baton to someone else, because I'm kind of IT when my husband isn't here. If I say today, "the crumbs don't matter", they'll just be there tomorrow. I'm not actually handing off responsibility, I'm just procrastinating.
I didn't think it mattered so much to me what others thought, but I'm not sure who it is I'm trying to impress, if indeed I am.
I want my family to know I love them. So I love my guts out every way I know how, every day. I finish every day completely empty, with nothing left. Apparently this is not a sustainable practice, so I need to work out how to either reserve something for myself, or generate more of myself. But how?
Just some thoughts for this glorious Thursday afternoon,
Sarah
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