A Good Nap Can Rock Your World

I've always envied the mother in the stories where she goes on strike, because I long for that moment when my offspring are subjected to the natural consequences of not doing their assigned chores. There's an invisible wall preventing them from doing their work. This morning they scrambled off to school, as normal. I've often wondered at how they seem to have no trouble following instructions at school, yet at home it's a whole other story.

I came back home this morning, looked around, at the remnants of a temper tantrum, the cereal/sugar/milk/yogurt across the table, the discarded toys, the pyjamas dropped where they were removed. The wet towel on the floor (AGAIN). The lights left on. The remains of lunchbox preparation. The dishwasher waiting to be emptied, the dirty dishes left on the bench. It's not the mess, it's what it speaks to me. It speaks loudly of thoughtlessness, and I have seen my children be incredibly thoughtful, so what is the deal?

I saw all these things, and I remembered last night, when the children (except the one who was in Very Big Trouble for running off to the park all by himself without telling anyone!!) were sitting in front of the television watching some obnoxious yet harmless YouTube video, while I: cleared the table, wiped the table, vacuumed the floor, put the homework into the homework basket, mopped the floor, loaded the dishwasher, ran the dishwasher, ran a sink of hot soapy water, put away the food, wiped the benches, started a load of washing, gathered all the school bags, collected lunch boxes, and herded the boy through shower, brushing teeth, and then Mummy time (a window of 15 minutes before bed for us to have individual time together). I remembered my oldest child having a moment because "YOU DIDN'T DO THE WASHING AND I HAVE NO UNDERPANTS!!!" (for the record, her dirty washing basket was overflowing and still in her room). I thought about all the things I would LIKE to do, if only I weren't forever cleaning my house. 

After my nap this morning, I realised that the reason my children don't clean up after themselves is purely because I always end up doing it for them. I can't bear to live in a mess, so I clean up ALL the mess. I never stopped to consider that I was doing them a disservice. I thought I was being kind, in giving them a clean and tidy space in which to live. I thought I was modelling the behaviour I wanted from them. On the contrary, I was teaching them to have zero sense of personal responsibility. I was teaching them the opposite of what they are learning at school. I was saying, "Do whatever you want, and I will bake you biscuits and cakes for the afternoon." I thought I was loving them, but I was ENABLING their slack attitudes and disrespect.

I have no time for that nonsense. I'm raising children, yes - but I'm also teaching them skills they will need to leave me and be adults one day.  

Starting today, I am going to let them feel the natural consequences of not doing their assigned chores. It's kind of painful for me as well, because until the light goes on, I have to put up with the mess. I'll still do the things I do, like cleaning the toilet, laundry, emptying the compost, cooking dinner - but I'm not picking up discarded toys, I'm not cleaning up their bedrooms, rescuing them from crickets (they like the dirty rooms, and favour wet towels).  I've warned my husband, who comes home tonight. I've removed television, Wii, computer, playdates, sleepovers and swimming from their schedules, until the situation improves. He is in complete agreement, which is awesome. 

Pray for us, dear friends - and if you like, send a bottle of disinfectant? It could get very ugly in this house. 

XO,
Sarah