Watering The Grass
So yesterday was kind of a crazy day, or maybe it was just a day and very #normal. We sold one of our cars, which officially makes us a one-car family again (hooray!). Before that though, there was a brief moment of panic when my son made a remark about it being his friend's birthday party day on the 7th, when we thought it was the 8th. I quickly sent an apology text to his friend's mother, and she replied that we hadn't missed the party, it was the 7th and the party was today (yesterday).
Oops.
That little drama averted, we then proceeded to drive to meet the fellow who was buying our car. Early lunch at McDonald's, then we started driving home, stopping at a shop to buy swimsuits for two children, then the grocery store, getting supplies for dinner. By the time we arrived home, I was depleted of energy, and desperately needed a coffee. I dented my mother-in-law's car, when I swung my door open to get out of the car, but didn't realise she had pulled into the garage next to us. (Our car has huge doors)
Then I walk into the house, and there are two dirty socks on my kitchen table. Not even a pair, which I found out was intentional, because the guilty party gave up on finding a pair and just wore two different socks. Now my house isn't huge. The laundry is about ten steps away from the kitchen table. So this was a little bit upsetting. Not because of the socks, but what it represented. A complete lack of regard for everyone in our family.
I've been working on establishing good boundaries with my children, but also with myself. The thing is, they're pushing back, HARD. And this isn't unexpected, but it's still hard. So when I was faced with several boundary breaches simultaneously, I just snapped. The little ones have broken the THIRD remote in a year. They loaf around, amid piles of washing, dropping their shoes for someone else to put away. They disregard my instructions regarding the dog. They can't be in the same room together without bickering. Some of this is down to it being the end of school holidays, but much of it is a fundamental lack of respect for others.
I have had enough. I realised yesterday that my lack of confidence andlow non-existent self-esteem has previously interfered with my ability to be a solid, consistent parent. My "no" was quickly replaced with a "yes" if I was questioned, because my default setting has been "I must be wrong if this is making someone unhappy". I now realise that this is flawed logic. So there's a lot of undoing of unhealthy patterns happening now. And it is challenging.
I took myself outside late yesterday afternoon, and started watering the garden, the grass. Mostly because I was so furious, and I didn't want to vomit my rage onto my family. Call it a self-imposed time out. So I'm watering the grass, and it struck me that my words are like the water coming from the hose. Sometimes they are a stream of water, targeting a specific behaviour, or a specific child. Sometimes it's a vague and feeble mist, landing nowhere in particular and making no real difference. The important thing about watering grass is that it can't just be watered once, and then be expected to flourish. It needs constant watering. The same can be said about my children. The words (water) I speak into their lives needs to be constant. They need to be intentional, specific, and carefully placed. Spraying words into the air, with no particular target isn't really effective.
Just some Sunday morning thoughts.
xo, Sarah
Oops.
That little drama averted, we then proceeded to drive to meet the fellow who was buying our car. Early lunch at McDonald's, then we started driving home, stopping at a shop to buy swimsuits for two children, then the grocery store, getting supplies for dinner. By the time we arrived home, I was depleted of energy, and desperately needed a coffee. I dented my mother-in-law's car, when I swung my door open to get out of the car, but didn't realise she had pulled into the garage next to us. (Our car has huge doors)
Then I walk into the house, and there are two dirty socks on my kitchen table. Not even a pair, which I found out was intentional, because the guilty party gave up on finding a pair and just wore two different socks. Now my house isn't huge. The laundry is about ten steps away from the kitchen table. So this was a little bit upsetting. Not because of the socks, but what it represented. A complete lack of regard for everyone in our family.
I've been working on establishing good boundaries with my children, but also with myself. The thing is, they're pushing back, HARD. And this isn't unexpected, but it's still hard. So when I was faced with several boundary breaches simultaneously, I just snapped. The little ones have broken the THIRD remote in a year. They loaf around, amid piles of washing, dropping their shoes for someone else to put away. They disregard my instructions regarding the dog. They can't be in the same room together without bickering. Some of this is down to it being the end of school holidays, but much of it is a fundamental lack of respect for others.
I have had enough. I realised yesterday that my lack of confidence and
I took myself outside late yesterday afternoon, and started watering the garden, the grass. Mostly because I was so furious, and I didn't want to vomit my rage onto my family. Call it a self-imposed time out. So I'm watering the grass, and it struck me that my words are like the water coming from the hose. Sometimes they are a stream of water, targeting a specific behaviour, or a specific child. Sometimes it's a vague and feeble mist, landing nowhere in particular and making no real difference. The important thing about watering grass is that it can't just be watered once, and then be expected to flourish. It needs constant watering. The same can be said about my children. The words (water) I speak into their lives needs to be constant. They need to be intentional, specific, and carefully placed. Spraying words into the air, with no particular target isn't really effective.
Just some Sunday morning thoughts.
xo, Sarah
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