I Want to Be a Magpie
So I'm not sure what it is with me and birds, but at our house, there are a lot of birds in the backyard. This provides many opportunities for observation, and it's easy to personify them. This morning, there was a magpie, strutting around, rather oblivious to the peewee dive-bombing it. It was an excellent metaphor for the mama I'm trying to become.
Something I've observed over the years is that with children, everything is equally an emergency. They live by extremes. Or maybe that's just my children - it's exhausting. For ten years, I have been living on alert, stuck in crisis mode. In some ways, this has served me well. In an actual emergency, I'm cool as a cucumber. Daughter drops a broken plate and slices her foot open? Blood everywhere? No problem. Another daughter sick and admitted to hospital? I'm on it. The thing is, all of those pretend emergencies kind of act like practice for the real thing. The downside is that every single time I've had a major life event, there hasn't been an opportunity to debrief, to process it - before moving on to the next. When I lay out the timeline of the last thirteen years, it looks like this:
2004: Engaged, married, pregnant, miscarriage
2005: Relocation, stepparenting, job changes
2006: Relocation, immigration, pregnant, misdiagnosed miscarriage, father diagnosed with cancer, birth of first child. Death of family member
2007: More relocation, pregnant, overseas travel
2008: Birth of second child, Bought/renovated a house, more relocation, death of father, grandparents.
2009: Two children with severe eczema, and all that entailed.
2010: Third child born in chaotic circumstances, more renovation, in-laws move in, ongoing complications from birth, third child with severe allergy/eczema, first child starts preschool
2011: Surprise (to us) pregnancy, chronic sleep deprivation, premature labour, medical issues from having four pregnancies in five years.
2012: Oldest starts kindergarten, second child starts preschool, toddlerhood, and a newborn with FTT (which I handled LIKE A BOSS)
2013: Continued sleep deprivation, visits to specialists,
2014: Second child starts kindergarten, third child starts preschool. We begin to find a rhythm, but then
2015: Move to Victoria in the middle of the year. We stayed for 12 months, dealing with massive adjustments the whole time.
2016: Fourth child starts preschool. I start study. Surgery to fix issues from childbirth, Make decision to defer study, because we decide to move back to NSW, where we have made a home, and things are good, and begin settling in. Husband starts job which entails working away during the week, making us a sort of FIFO (except he's driving) family.
2017: Resume study, but quickly realise that it isn't where my heart lies, so decide to just drop it. We have been in our home a full year, and now that we've been still, it's been possible for me to FINALLY unpack all the emotions of the last decade (or so). Fourth child starts kindergarten.
So here I sit with all the uncomfortable emotions, in the middle of parenting four children aged 5-10, with a puppy, four chickens, some fish, some incredibly supportive in-laws, and I look around, thinking "this is my life, which is not what I imagined it would be - but it is good, and I am thankful."
When a child wakes me with vomit,
When a child brings me special toast for Mother's Day,
When my husband changes jobs again
When I have one of Those Mornings
When I have a Unicorn Morning (not often, but it does happen)
When I go out and look amazing all day,
When I go out and come home to discover my shirt has been inside out all day,
When I get All of The Things done
When I get None of The Things done
For all of those times, and the times which lie in between - I am thankful.
And I'm learning to be like that magpie - not bothered by all the trivial things, while focusing on the important things (and people) in my life.
My beautifully chaotically, hot mess of a perfect life.
xo,
Sarah
Something I've observed over the years is that with children, everything is equally an emergency. They live by extremes. Or maybe that's just my children - it's exhausting. For ten years, I have been living on alert, stuck in crisis mode. In some ways, this has served me well. In an actual emergency, I'm cool as a cucumber. Daughter drops a broken plate and slices her foot open? Blood everywhere? No problem. Another daughter sick and admitted to hospital? I'm on it. The thing is, all of those pretend emergencies kind of act like practice for the real thing. The downside is that every single time I've had a major life event, there hasn't been an opportunity to debrief, to process it - before moving on to the next. When I lay out the timeline of the last thirteen years, it looks like this:
2004: Engaged, married, pregnant, miscarriage
2005: Relocation, stepparenting, job changes
2006: Relocation, immigration, pregnant, misdiagnosed miscarriage, father diagnosed with cancer, birth of first child. Death of family member
2007: More relocation, pregnant, overseas travel
2008: Birth of second child, Bought/renovated a house, more relocation, death of father, grandparents.
2009: Two children with severe eczema, and all that entailed.
2010: Third child born in chaotic circumstances, more renovation, in-laws move in, ongoing complications from birth, third child with severe allergy/eczema, first child starts preschool
2011: Surprise (to us) pregnancy, chronic sleep deprivation, premature labour, medical issues from having four pregnancies in five years.
2012: Oldest starts kindergarten, second child starts preschool, toddlerhood, and a newborn with FTT (which I handled LIKE A BOSS)
2013: Continued sleep deprivation, visits to specialists,
2014: Second child starts kindergarten, third child starts preschool. We begin to find a rhythm, but then
2015: Move to Victoria in the middle of the year. We stayed for 12 months, dealing with massive adjustments the whole time.
2016: Fourth child starts preschool. I start study. Surgery to fix issues from childbirth, Make decision to defer study, because we decide to move back to NSW, where we have made a home, and things are good, and begin settling in. Husband starts job which entails working away during the week, making us a sort of FIFO (except he's driving) family.
2017: Resume study, but quickly realise that it isn't where my heart lies, so decide to just drop it. We have been in our home a full year, and now that we've been still, it's been possible for me to FINALLY unpack all the emotions of the last decade (or so). Fourth child starts kindergarten.
So here I sit with all the uncomfortable emotions, in the middle of parenting four children aged 5-10, with a puppy, four chickens, some fish, some incredibly supportive in-laws, and I look around, thinking "this is my life, which is not what I imagined it would be - but it is good, and I am thankful."
When a child wakes me with vomit,
When a child brings me special toast for Mother's Day,
When my husband changes jobs again
When I have one of Those Mornings
When I have a Unicorn Morning (not often, but it does happen)
When I go out and look amazing all day,
When I go out and come home to discover my shirt has been inside out all day,
When I get All of The Things done
When I get None of The Things done
For all of those times, and the times which lie in between - I am thankful.
And I'm learning to be like that magpie - not bothered by all the trivial things, while focusing on the important things (and people) in my life.
My beautifully chaotically, hot mess of a perfect life.
xo,
Sarah
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