Inside Out, Upside Down
I've always loved organising. I've never been organised, but I love the process. The tools, the way it all comes together brilliantly in my mind - all of it. It should not be a surprise then, that 'back-to-school' is my favourite time of year. Here in Australia, thanks to the educational system, I get that four times a year, and the endorphin rush of planning out the family calendar is undeniable. I've made chore charts, I write a list for the morning and afternoon, I'm revamping my housecleaning schedule, but something which I've never done before is including me in my schedule.
Normally, I plan out everyone else's schedules, and then try and squeeze myself in the cracks, surviving on the crumbs of the day. I used to think this made me noble, selfless, and somehow more maternal, but now I'm not so sure. If I'm really honest, and since this is my blog I can be, it more often turned me into Hulk Mom, because I was touched out, brained out, noised out, and overwhelmingly DONE. It sapped my energy and capacity to be kind, patient, and present. Instead of making me selfless, it made me more selfish.
A friend said to me recently something along the lines of "what benefits you, benefits them(your children)". It stuck with me, rattling around in this brain of mine, and when I went to sit down and work on our calendar for this term, I had the thought - what if, instead of squeezing in bits of me, I built our calendar with me in mind? What if I included something each day, just for me- something that is of benefit to me? It seemed so simple, I wondered just why I'd never done it before, or why it had seemed so hard. And so here I go, planning a calendar with things in it that aren't only about my children, my husband. Things like music, exercise, Bible study, reading. I'm organising my housework to suit MY liking, and not the whims of four young children. I'm planning a menu which looks more often like what I want to cook and eat, because I'm tired of never getting a meal I like.
A little bit of selfish can actually give me the reserves to be more selfless. After all, without "self", it's just "less", not "more". And more is what I want to have. More patience, more kindness, more gentleness, more giving.
xo, Sarah
Normally, I plan out everyone else's schedules, and then try and squeeze myself in the cracks, surviving on the crumbs of the day. I used to think this made me noble, selfless, and somehow more maternal, but now I'm not so sure. If I'm really honest, and since this is my blog I can be, it more often turned me into Hulk Mom, because I was touched out, brained out, noised out, and overwhelmingly DONE. It sapped my energy and capacity to be kind, patient, and present. Instead of making me selfless, it made me more selfish.
A friend said to me recently something along the lines of "what benefits you, benefits them(your children)". It stuck with me, rattling around in this brain of mine, and when I went to sit down and work on our calendar for this term, I had the thought - what if, instead of squeezing in bits of me, I built our calendar with me in mind? What if I included something each day, just for me- something that is of benefit to me? It seemed so simple, I wondered just why I'd never done it before, or why it had seemed so hard. And so here I go, planning a calendar with things in it that aren't only about my children, my husband. Things like music, exercise, Bible study, reading. I'm organising my housework to suit MY liking, and not the whims of four young children. I'm planning a menu which looks more often like what I want to cook and eat, because I'm tired of never getting a meal I like.
A little bit of selfish can actually give me the reserves to be more selfless. After all, without "self", it's just "less", not "more". And more is what I want to have. More patience, more kindness, more gentleness, more giving.
xo, Sarah
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