Being Responsible by NOT Being Responsible...
There is a lot of information out there on parenting. French parenting, attachment parenting, free-range parenting, tiger parenting, helicopter parenting, and the list goes on and on ad nauseum.
Something that I've been thinking a lot about lately is related to long-term objectives. Someday, my children will appreciate my efforts. The scenario I've created in my head goes like this:
(Phone rings) Me: Hello?
Child: Mum?
Me: So good to hear your voice. What's new with you?
Child: (as yet not existent) Child 1 did this thing, and I remembered that time I did the
same thing, and I remember the look on your face, and I get it now. I'm sorry.
Thank you for teaching me to be responsible. I didn't like it, but now I
understand.
End Scene.
Or something along those lines. The thing is, I often experience things with my children, and I remember my birth mother or my mom's reactions, responses, facial expressions. I want to ring them both up and say (OH MY GOSH I GET IT!!!) Somewhere, tucked into this brain of mine, that information is stored permanently - which means that the same information is being recorded into my own children's memory banks, and now is the perfect time for me to choose what I want them to remember.
A responsible parent doesn't just raise their children- a responsible parent raises the adults their children will become. If I want to raise responsible adults, capable adults, then I have to stop being responsible for every facet of their life. If I want to raise adults who take care of their belongings, pick up after themselves, treat others kindly, and are good citizens, then I must stop doing those things for them. I must also model those things. If I do not have solid personal boundaries, neither will they. Not only that, but they will also not respect the boundaries of others.
So I've decided to not be so responsible, which may turn out to be the wisest, most responsible thing I could do.
I'm not just raising children, I'm changing the world. One child at a time. :)
xo, Sarah
Something that I've been thinking a lot about lately is related to long-term objectives. Someday, my children will appreciate my efforts. The scenario I've created in my head goes like this:
(Phone rings) Me: Hello?
Child: Mum?
Me: So good to hear your voice. What's new with you?
Child: (as yet not existent) Child 1 did this thing, and I remembered that time I did the
same thing, and I remember the look on your face, and I get it now. I'm sorry.
Thank you for teaching me to be responsible. I didn't like it, but now I
understand.
End Scene.
Or something along those lines. The thing is, I often experience things with my children, and I remember my birth mother or my mom's reactions, responses, facial expressions. I want to ring them both up and say (OH MY GOSH I GET IT!!!) Somewhere, tucked into this brain of mine, that information is stored permanently - which means that the same information is being recorded into my own children's memory banks, and now is the perfect time for me to choose what I want them to remember.
A responsible parent doesn't just raise their children- a responsible parent raises the adults their children will become. If I want to raise responsible adults, capable adults, then I have to stop being responsible for every facet of their life. If I want to raise adults who take care of their belongings, pick up after themselves, treat others kindly, and are good citizens, then I must stop doing those things for them. I must also model those things. If I do not have solid personal boundaries, neither will they. Not only that, but they will also not respect the boundaries of others.
So I've decided to not be so responsible, which may turn out to be the wisest, most responsible thing I could do.
I'm not just raising children, I'm changing the world. One child at a time. :)
xo, Sarah
Comments