Parenting is Hard
So why, my dear friends, do I persist with this notion that it should be easy? I shall tell you why.
Because the internet is full of everyone's success. Smiling photos of happy children, holidays, crafts, cakes, amazing dinners, 5 easy steps to getting your kids to - clean their rooms or eat their vegetables or stop fighting with their siblings.
If all of those things are so stinking achievable, then why on earth am I so unbelievably bad at it?
Because the reality isn't found on the internet. Reality is all around me. Reality is sometimes delightful of course - but it is also the opposite of delightful.
I am always reading something, but recently I read this book, "Idols of a Mother's Heart" by Christina Fox , and she pinpointed so much of why I feel disappointed with motherhood. I have long served at the altar of my own expectations of what parenthood 'should' be, how my home 'should' look, and how my children 'should' behave. None of those expectations are based in reality though, and so yes - I have long felt a deep dissatisfaction that has crept into nearly every area of my life, like a sickness.
The internet isn't solely at fault here; there are also books, magazines, even actual people around me.
"Why can't I do (x,y,z) like HER?"
I wasn't seeking to be more like Jesus, I was seeking to be more like the women around me.
While the women around me might be godly, delightful, and good people, they aren't who I need to emulate, because they are human, just like me- wonderfully, beautifully, human.
I have learned a few things, during this school holiday period:
1. My children are humans, not robots. They make mistakes, LIKE ALL HUMANS DO. (Even me!) As teachers are fond of saying, "Mistakes are how we learn."
2. While it makes me feel better to have a clean and well-ordered home, this is not true of everyone. Some people can work in the middle of chaos and not be bothered by it. I do not understand this, and I am not certain how people who share my DNA can be so wildly different, but there you have it.
3. By virtue of anxiety (and caffeine, but let's gloss over that point because I already know that caffeine makes anxiety worse but lack of caffeine contributes to decisions like saying yes to Nutella on toast for breakfast when the answer should be a definite NO), my thoughts are like a freight train sometimes. I use too many words with my kids, and give too many instructions, and ask too many questions. All extremely fast. It's not surprising that I get tuned out. It's too hard for them to talk to me, because my words are a never-ending barrage, and it is exhausting. So while I'm not about to quit coffee, I do need to use my words more sparingly, and slow down.
4. My to-do list is ridiculous, and if I don't complete it, nobody will die.
5. (And this is probably the most mind-blowing) My way is not the ONLY way, and sometimes *gulp* it isn't the right way. You heard me, please don't make me write that again. Even when my way of doing things seems to be the most logical choice, the people around me may disagree. Not because they hate me, not because I'm stupid - but because we aren't the same person. Crazy, right?
In short, more deep thoughts, more reflection, and more insights. I think too much, but this time, it's a good thing.
Have a great day,
Sarah
Because the internet is full of everyone's success. Smiling photos of happy children, holidays, crafts, cakes, amazing dinners, 5 easy steps to getting your kids to - clean their rooms or eat their vegetables or stop fighting with their siblings.
If all of those things are so stinking achievable, then why on earth am I so unbelievably bad at it?
Because the reality isn't found on the internet. Reality is all around me. Reality is sometimes delightful of course - but it is also the opposite of delightful.
I am always reading something, but recently I read this book, "Idols of a Mother's Heart" by Christina Fox , and she pinpointed so much of why I feel disappointed with motherhood. I have long served at the altar of my own expectations of what parenthood 'should' be, how my home 'should' look, and how my children 'should' behave. None of those expectations are based in reality though, and so yes - I have long felt a deep dissatisfaction that has crept into nearly every area of my life, like a sickness.
The internet isn't solely at fault here; there are also books, magazines, even actual people around me.
"Why can't I do (x,y,z) like HER?"
I wasn't seeking to be more like Jesus, I was seeking to be more like the women around me.
While the women around me might be godly, delightful, and good people, they aren't who I need to emulate, because they are human, just like me- wonderfully, beautifully, human.
I have learned a few things, during this school holiday period:
1. My children are humans, not robots. They make mistakes, LIKE ALL HUMANS DO. (Even me!) As teachers are fond of saying, "Mistakes are how we learn."
2. While it makes me feel better to have a clean and well-ordered home, this is not true of everyone. Some people can work in the middle of chaos and not be bothered by it. I do not understand this, and I am not certain how people who share my DNA can be so wildly different, but there you have it.
3. By virtue of anxiety (and caffeine, but let's gloss over that point because I already know that caffeine makes anxiety worse but lack of caffeine contributes to decisions like saying yes to Nutella on toast for breakfast when the answer should be a definite NO), my thoughts are like a freight train sometimes. I use too many words with my kids, and give too many instructions, and ask too many questions. All extremely fast. It's not surprising that I get tuned out. It's too hard for them to talk to me, because my words are a never-ending barrage, and it is exhausting. So while I'm not about to quit coffee, I do need to use my words more sparingly, and slow down.
4. My to-do list is ridiculous, and if I don't complete it, nobody will die.
5. (And this is probably the most mind-blowing) My way is not the ONLY way, and sometimes *gulp* it isn't the right way. You heard me, please don't make me write that again. Even when my way of doing things seems to be the most logical choice, the people around me may disagree. Not because they hate me, not because I'm stupid - but because we aren't the same person. Crazy, right?
In short, more deep thoughts, more reflection, and more insights. I think too much, but this time, it's a good thing.
Have a great day,
Sarah
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