Week Three
Another park run in the books, and a new personal best time. :) I managed to run a bit today, and to my surprise, the paramedics were not needed.
I'm feeling the teeniest bit stronger, and ever so slightly smaller. I haven't weighed myself, and I don't need to. Still not instant coffee, and I'm remembering to eat. This week is snacks. It seems a simple thing, but for me it's complicated.
I am currently crushing my first assessment, which feels great. I arranged to have my practical placement, at three possible schools. I am so hopeful that after practical placement, I will be able to get full-time employment at one of these. God knows where I'm needed though, and I trust him with the outcome.
I am no longer cooking dinner during the week. I got tired of planning meals, cooking them up, and serving them, only to hear cries of "That's DISGUSTING, I'm NOT EATING THAT" and "YOU MAKE THE WORST DINNERS IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD". So instead, I have come up with a plan to make grazing plates, placed on the table at 3:00, and removed at 5:30, when we will move on to bath time. I choose what goes on the platters, they choose what goes on their plates, and everyone is happy. We have time together when I am putting them to bed, and honestly - sitting down at the table together just doesn't work for us often. Some meals (Nachos, pizza) it does, and those nights, we can laugh, talk, share, and eat. But on a Tuesday night, when it's 4:1 and there is a very small window before someone has a meltdown, I'm happy to skip it with no regrets, in favour of grazing.
Having discovered that using bergamot as a home fragrance has actually made a difference in everyone's general mood (after observing that when I stopped using it for ten days everyone was super-cranky), I procured two more bottles of it, and a lavender/bergamot candle as well, which is part of my 'putting the house to bed' routine. I light a candle, turn on some soft music, and move through the house, turning off lights and putting everything in order. I've gotten out of the habit, because the bedtime thing has been THE PITS lately. If I manage to run the dishwasher and put away the food, it's a good day. But I want to get back to this routine, because it makes a huge difference in the mornings.
I observed recently that in twelve years, I have done everything for my children. I have been an absolute control beast, because it was the only way I could cope with life. Then I figured out that at their individual ages, they should be doing so much more than I was allowing them to do- so I dumped a heap of responsibilities on them, without first giving them the skills to be responsible. They couldn't do the things I was expecting of them, because I'd never shown them how to do it. Our routines, which to me seemed simple and straightforward, to them was long, complicated, and insurmountable.
So I chose to table some things, for later. I thought about what my expectations were in the mornings, the afternoons, and the evenings - and I pared back the routines to just those things. When we've got that down, we can add in one thing at a time. I've been in control (at least in my own mind) for twelve years - it is going to take a while to turn things around. Dr. Ross Greene says kids do well when they can. If they can't, it's because there is a lagging skill. Teach them the skill, and they can do better. That's what I'm choosing- to teach my kids the skills so they can do better. I can tell you it's working. I have noticed a shift in our dynamics for the better, and so I'll keep working at it, with a mighty heart.
Much love,
Sarah
I'm feeling the teeniest bit stronger, and ever so slightly smaller. I haven't weighed myself, and I don't need to. Still not instant coffee, and I'm remembering to eat. This week is snacks. It seems a simple thing, but for me it's complicated.
I am currently crushing my first assessment, which feels great. I arranged to have my practical placement, at three possible schools. I am so hopeful that after practical placement, I will be able to get full-time employment at one of these. God knows where I'm needed though, and I trust him with the outcome.
I am no longer cooking dinner during the week. I got tired of planning meals, cooking them up, and serving them, only to hear cries of "That's DISGUSTING, I'm NOT EATING THAT" and "YOU MAKE THE WORST DINNERS IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD". So instead, I have come up with a plan to make grazing plates, placed on the table at 3:00, and removed at 5:30, when we will move on to bath time. I choose what goes on the platters, they choose what goes on their plates, and everyone is happy. We have time together when I am putting them to bed, and honestly - sitting down at the table together just doesn't work for us often. Some meals (Nachos, pizza) it does, and those nights, we can laugh, talk, share, and eat. But on a Tuesday night, when it's 4:1 and there is a very small window before someone has a meltdown, I'm happy to skip it with no regrets, in favour of grazing.
Having discovered that using bergamot as a home fragrance has actually made a difference in everyone's general mood (after observing that when I stopped using it for ten days everyone was super-cranky), I procured two more bottles of it, and a lavender/bergamot candle as well, which is part of my 'putting the house to bed' routine. I light a candle, turn on some soft music, and move through the house, turning off lights and putting everything in order. I've gotten out of the habit, because the bedtime thing has been THE PITS lately. If I manage to run the dishwasher and put away the food, it's a good day. But I want to get back to this routine, because it makes a huge difference in the mornings.
I observed recently that in twelve years, I have done everything for my children. I have been an absolute control beast, because it was the only way I could cope with life. Then I figured out that at their individual ages, they should be doing so much more than I was allowing them to do- so I dumped a heap of responsibilities on them, without first giving them the skills to be responsible. They couldn't do the things I was expecting of them, because I'd never shown them how to do it. Our routines, which to me seemed simple and straightforward, to them was long, complicated, and insurmountable.
So I chose to table some things, for later. I thought about what my expectations were in the mornings, the afternoons, and the evenings - and I pared back the routines to just those things. When we've got that down, we can add in one thing at a time. I've been in control (at least in my own mind) for twelve years - it is going to take a while to turn things around. Dr. Ross Greene says kids do well when they can. If they can't, it's because there is a lagging skill. Teach them the skill, and they can do better. That's what I'm choosing- to teach my kids the skills so they can do better. I can tell you it's working. I have noticed a shift in our dynamics for the better, and so I'll keep working at it, with a mighty heart.
Much love,
Sarah
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