Sorting Myself Out
This process of getting myself sorted is not by any interpretation of the word, linear. It's more like Whack-a-Mole combined with Crazy Teacups and Bumper Cars (Dodgems, if you like).
Now that I'm sorting out help for our son, my anxiety is managed, I've enrolled and started studying, it is time to address the elephant in the room (pun not intended).
For years, I have struggled to get to and maintain a healthy weight. There are heaps of programmes out there, but they all feel like punishment for being obese. Every person can tell you what worked for them, but if I'm in the business of not comparing myself to others, I can't realistically expect that it will work for me.
I just need to learn how to eat again. How much, how often, which foods. I need to reforge the connection between my brain and my stomach - I've ignored hunger cues for so long that I don't really know when I'm hungry. This has led to extremely disordered eating which I want to change.
I also need to exercise, but first things first. I found this book in a charity shop, called Change One: No Fads, No Risks, No Stress. It focuses on making one change per week, for twelve weeks. It isn't a diet. It is a very simple process to assist in weight loss. This week, the change is to eat breakfast. That's it. This morning it looked like porridge, dried apple, and cinnamon. Another change I've made independently of this book, is to stop drinking instant coffee. It doesn't do the job that my machine coffee does, it upsets my stomach, and it isn't palatable without sugar. If I'm drinking 5-6 cups a day, that's WAY TOO MUCH sugar! Lachlan agreed to join me in this, and so he's hidden the instant coffee at my request. Before you chime in with "Couldn't you just reduce the sugar in it until you don't need it?" I suppose I could, but honestly, the instant isn't actually all that good. For me, it's a lazy option. Make it harder to have, and my need for caffeine overtakes my desire to get the caffeine quickly.
I don't want to lose weight because of how I look. I don't even care if the chart in the back which indicates I'm severely obese ever plots me in the 'healthy' category. It isn't about numbers. It is about creating a culture of health and well-being in my family. At present, I'm uncomfortable. My joints ache from carrying around extra weight. I'm tired. I snore (according to Lachlan), and my stress levels have been so elevated for such a long time that when I'm not stressed, I think something is wrong.
Q: Have you heard of (insert programme name here)?
A: Yes, I have. I like food, and the notion of drinking a shake, or taking a supplement makes me sad. I'll do those things, then I'll eat the food anyway, because I LIKE FOOD. I could get meals delivered, but I also like cooking, and even though I say I want someone else to cook for me, I am a control beast. Also, the logic of "How much do you spend on takeaway coffee/fast food" doesn't apply, because I spend almost $0 on takeaway coffee/fast food. I actually operate on a small budget, and it very rarely leaves room for those things.
Q: Can't you just eat less/move more?
A: Yes, I could. Except I have exceptionally poor self-control. I am getting better at it, but saying that to me is like telling a depressed person to just be happy. It makes me mad, sad, guilty, and then I go and eat my feelings.
If you have another question, feel free to send them to me - I am quite happy to answer them (if I can). I thought I'd share this 12 weeks with you, as a way of keeping me accountable, and maybe encouraging someone else.
XO,
Sarah
Now that I'm sorting out help for our son, my anxiety is managed, I've enrolled and started studying, it is time to address the elephant in the room (pun not intended).
For years, I have struggled to get to and maintain a healthy weight. There are heaps of programmes out there, but they all feel like punishment for being obese. Every person can tell you what worked for them, but if I'm in the business of not comparing myself to others, I can't realistically expect that it will work for me.
I just need to learn how to eat again. How much, how often, which foods. I need to reforge the connection between my brain and my stomach - I've ignored hunger cues for so long that I don't really know when I'm hungry. This has led to extremely disordered eating which I want to change.
I also need to exercise, but first things first. I found this book in a charity shop, called Change One: No Fads, No Risks, No Stress. It focuses on making one change per week, for twelve weeks. It isn't a diet. It is a very simple process to assist in weight loss. This week, the change is to eat breakfast. That's it. This morning it looked like porridge, dried apple, and cinnamon. Another change I've made independently of this book, is to stop drinking instant coffee. It doesn't do the job that my machine coffee does, it upsets my stomach, and it isn't palatable without sugar. If I'm drinking 5-6 cups a day, that's WAY TOO MUCH sugar! Lachlan agreed to join me in this, and so he's hidden the instant coffee at my request. Before you chime in with "Couldn't you just reduce the sugar in it until you don't need it?" I suppose I could, but honestly, the instant isn't actually all that good. For me, it's a lazy option. Make it harder to have, and my need for caffeine overtakes my desire to get the caffeine quickly.
I don't want to lose weight because of how I look. I don't even care if the chart in the back which indicates I'm severely obese ever plots me in the 'healthy' category. It isn't about numbers. It is about creating a culture of health and well-being in my family. At present, I'm uncomfortable. My joints ache from carrying around extra weight. I'm tired. I snore (according to Lachlan), and my stress levels have been so elevated for such a long time that when I'm not stressed, I think something is wrong.
Q: Have you heard of (insert programme name here)?
A: Yes, I have. I like food, and the notion of drinking a shake, or taking a supplement makes me sad. I'll do those things, then I'll eat the food anyway, because I LIKE FOOD. I could get meals delivered, but I also like cooking, and even though I say I want someone else to cook for me, I am a control beast. Also, the logic of "How much do you spend on takeaway coffee/fast food" doesn't apply, because I spend almost $0 on takeaway coffee/fast food. I actually operate on a small budget, and it very rarely leaves room for those things.
Q: Can't you just eat less/move more?
A: Yes, I could. Except I have exceptionally poor self-control. I am getting better at it, but saying that to me is like telling a depressed person to just be happy. It makes me mad, sad, guilty, and then I go and eat my feelings.
If you have another question, feel free to send them to me - I am quite happy to answer them (if I can). I thought I'd share this 12 weeks with you, as a way of keeping me accountable, and maybe encouraging someone else.
XO,
Sarah
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