Twenty-five percent
So, after three days away, I am recharged. Not fully, but even 25% feels AMAZING. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to feel 100%.
The first morning, I awoke with a 'sleep hangover', because it's been an extremely long night since I slept 10 uninterrupted hours. Upon waking, I discovered that my wallet was not where I thought it was. I got completely a bit panicked, but my darling husband set me right. We transferred the money from my account to his, as a precaution, and he gave me cash, and sent me on my way. For the next two and a half days, I navigated public transport and walked a lot more than I intended. I acquired the perfume I've wanted for 11 years, and enjoyed the anonymous bliss of being in a city where people are all around me, but none of them are talking to me, so I can just be quiet. I read two books, ate nice (HOT) food and bought clothes. I resolutely avoided all housewares, stationery or children's purchases because I realised that I use those things to avoid the guilt which follows buying things purely for myself. I figured out that I can take some time out, and the world will not end. I know, I was as surprised as anybody.
As it turns out, self-care can't only be the result of hard labour:
It cannot be having a clean and tidy home, when that is nearly an unreachable goal. I live with four people who, for many reasons, prefer to have their belongings put away for them by an invisible fairy (Spoiler alert, it's ME).
It cannot be having a peaceful, conflict-free environment when there are four children all jockeying for position, vying for every nanosecond of my attention, regardless of whether or not I have the capacity to give it.
It cannot be a schedule so organised that I am sometimes triple-booking myself.
I was so burned out that when I lost my wallet, I couldn't remember what I'd done with it less than 24 hours previously, and seriously considered returning home to find it. I wouldn't have, as it was in my husband's car, sitting at the train station, but I considered it. It seemed a reasonable option to me, but apparently it was a trifle dramatic.
This little break has restored some of my energy, and it will take several restarts to get closer to full capacity, but the lights are back on, and someone is home - even if I'm not yet certain who she is. :)
XO,
Sarah
The first morning, I awoke with a 'sleep hangover', because it's been an extremely long night since I slept 10 uninterrupted hours. Upon waking, I discovered that my wallet was not where I thought it was. I got
As it turns out, self-care can't only be the result of hard labour:
It cannot be having a clean and tidy home, when that is nearly an unreachable goal. I live with four people who, for many reasons, prefer to have their belongings put away for them by an invisible fairy (Spoiler alert, it's ME).
It cannot be having a peaceful, conflict-free environment when there are four children all jockeying for position, vying for every nanosecond of my attention, regardless of whether or not I have the capacity to give it.
It cannot be a schedule so organised that I am sometimes triple-booking myself.
I was so burned out that when I lost my wallet, I couldn't remember what I'd done with it less than 24 hours previously, and seriously considered returning home to find it. I wouldn't have, as it was in my husband's car, sitting at the train station, but I considered it. It seemed a reasonable option to me, but apparently it was a trifle dramatic.
This little break has restored some of my energy, and it will take several restarts to get closer to full capacity, but the lights are back on, and someone is home - even if I'm not yet certain who she is. :)
XO,
Sarah
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