Heavy, part three
This is the end of the story that explains how I got to here, but it is not the end of my story. Where I go from here is up to me.
June 13, 2003 - I receive a response to my personal ad. I was about to cancel the service, as I was in fact dating someone, and while I had a nagging feeling that he wasn't right for me, I thought that perhaps he was as good as I'd get. He treated me well enough, so maybe that was enough. Ironically, that was the exact same mistake I made with my first husband. When I got this email though, I felt as though I had to meet this guy. So we emailed back and forth, and that same day, I agreed to meet him at a local Starbucks coffee shop. I guess I wanted to get it over with quickly - why waste more time getting to know someone online who is altogether different in real life?
So we met. And that first meeting lasted like 7 hours. We talked, talked, and talked some more. We talked about our past, we talked about what we wanted in a future, we talked about our religious beliefs, we talked about lots of things. But mostly important stuff that you don't normally cover on a first date. We'd both been burned, and didn't want to make the same mistakes again.
I won't say it was love at first sight, but I think by our second date, I knew that there was something about him that I wanted to know more about. By our third date, we were inseparable. We either spoke to each other, wrote each other, or saw each other every day. He was very different. I could be myself with him, and it was okay. When he saw my apartment for the first time, I was mortified that he saw the inside of my science experiment = I mean refrigerator. He didn't say a word about it. The next time he came over, he simply brought a bucket and sponge, with plans to clean it out for me. Thankfully, I'd already cleaned it.
The fact that he wanted to be with me, in spite of the fact that I was an absolute slob, that's what sold me. He didn't want me to change, unless I wanted to. He was happy to take me exactly as I was, even if I never changed. He was the first man in my life (other than my Dad) who treated me that way. The other thing that sold me, was that for the first time in my life, I wanted to change because, quite simply, I wanted to change for me. Not out of fear of losing someone, or feeling less than adequate. I wanted a fresh start, and I wanted him to be a part of that.
In November of 2003, I left the US Navy. I packed up my Saturn, and drove halfway across the country to my parents' (Dad and stepmom's - just call her Mom) house. I had no idea what I would do for a job, or what would happen between him and I. He came in January, with plans (or so I thought) to stay and visit, then return to Australia. January 23rd, our plans changed a bit. He asked my father for his blessing on our relationship, and proposed to me later that night. So he stayed, got a job, I got a job, and I was in counselling to deal with some (okay a lot of) issues before getting married. It was important to me that I start a new marriage with a clean slate. It was a trying time for us, because he was so desperate to get back to Australia, and although I was willing to go with him, I wanted to spend time with my family.
In October of 2004, we got married. A few weeks later, I was pregnant, and a few weeks after that, we lost the babies. It was a devastating time for us, as it happened at Christmas. In January 2005, we travelled to San Antonio to visit his son, and when we arrived back in Pennsylvania, we decided that we would move to San Antonio to be closer to him. We left Pennsylvania on April Fools' Day, arrived in San Antonio a few days later, and then started looking for jobs. We signed on with multiple temporary agencies, which is how I ended up at a job which I actually really liked. Our plan was always to move to Australia, but we didn't know when. Due to some problems that are kind of personal, we decided to move sooner rather than later. In March 2006, I was pregnant again. Since we didn't have health insurance, we had to move to Australia or face poverty. Just a month later, I had some bleeding and assumed it was another miscarriage. I visited an obstetrician who confirmed that it did indeed look like a miscarriage. She said that my body would resolve things naturally, and there was no need for further treatment. We were gutted, but what could we do? We were moving overseas, we just about had no place to live, no jobs, and had to forge ahead. So we left Texas, had a 5 week pit-stop in Pennsylvania with my family, and left my whole life behind.
Upon arriving, and vomiting my face off a few times, we discovered that I had not, in point of fact, miscarried. That our 12-week old fetus was happily chugging away in there. Before you could say "like, WOW or something?", we had our first child, C. When she was 9 months old, we moved interstate, where L got his dream job. A few weeks later, in the midst of planning a trip to visit my family, we discovered that I was pregnant again. Quite a lot sooner than expected, but God has His plans, right?
While pregnant, my father died from liver cancer. It was not unexpected, but it was so hard. I had only just seen him, and I desperately wanted to be there for my family, but I was too far along in the pregnancy to fly. It was a hard pill to swallow, but my responsibility was to my family here. My husband, and my daughter, and my unborn child. In May, we had our P.
As one might expect, I struggled mightily with two children so young, so close together. In the middle of it all, we bought a house and moved yet again. There were quite a few dark times for me, and thankfully I had loads of support from my friends and family - globally, in fact. In time, (and it was a long time, 12 months to be precise) it was still challenging, but not impossible. I began to imagine P as a big sister to someone else. I had always known that three was the right number for us, but L wasn't convinced. In fact, he was firmly planted at two. At some point later on, we had a conversation that rocked my world. He said "I think we should have another baby." Just like that. You could have knocked me over with a feather! So we decided that I would try and lose weight, get a bit healthier, and then begin trying again.
Apparently, Christmas was VERY good this last year, because on January 5th, I found myself staring yet again at that oh-so-familiar stick in disbelief. I literally thought I was hallucinating!
And that brings me to today - halfway to delivery, loving Jesus, trying every single day to stay this side of crazy, and looking after my family. Oh, and this time? Yeah - I'm pregnant, and we're renovating. Good grief. I can't do anything the simple way!
=====
So, that's the recap. Hopefully you feel as though you know me a bit better, and maybe you feel encouraged. Just so long as you don't feel sorry for me - I hate that! God allowed those trials for a reason, and I'm a stronger person for them. I don't regret any of it, although there are bits that I wish had turned out differently - the stuff with my birth mother, for example - but overall, it's made me who I am today. And is she really such a bad person to be?
June 13, 2003 - I receive a response to my personal ad. I was about to cancel the service, as I was in fact dating someone, and while I had a nagging feeling that he wasn't right for me, I thought that perhaps he was as good as I'd get. He treated me well enough, so maybe that was enough. Ironically, that was the exact same mistake I made with my first husband. When I got this email though, I felt as though I had to meet this guy. So we emailed back and forth, and that same day, I agreed to meet him at a local Starbucks coffee shop. I guess I wanted to get it over with quickly - why waste more time getting to know someone online who is altogether different in real life?
So we met. And that first meeting lasted like 7 hours. We talked, talked, and talked some more. We talked about our past, we talked about what we wanted in a future, we talked about our religious beliefs, we talked about lots of things. But mostly important stuff that you don't normally cover on a first date. We'd both been burned, and didn't want to make the same mistakes again.
I won't say it was love at first sight, but I think by our second date, I knew that there was something about him that I wanted to know more about. By our third date, we were inseparable. We either spoke to each other, wrote each other, or saw each other every day. He was very different. I could be myself with him, and it was okay. When he saw my apartment for the first time, I was mortified that he saw the inside of my science experiment = I mean refrigerator. He didn't say a word about it. The next time he came over, he simply brought a bucket and sponge, with plans to clean it out for me. Thankfully, I'd already cleaned it.
The fact that he wanted to be with me, in spite of the fact that I was an absolute slob, that's what sold me. He didn't want me to change, unless I wanted to. He was happy to take me exactly as I was, even if I never changed. He was the first man in my life (other than my Dad) who treated me that way. The other thing that sold me, was that for the first time in my life, I wanted to change because, quite simply, I wanted to change for me. Not out of fear of losing someone, or feeling less than adequate. I wanted a fresh start, and I wanted him to be a part of that.
In November of 2003, I left the US Navy. I packed up my Saturn, and drove halfway across the country to my parents' (Dad and stepmom's - just call her Mom) house. I had no idea what I would do for a job, or what would happen between him and I. He came in January, with plans (or so I thought) to stay and visit, then return to Australia. January 23rd, our plans changed a bit. He asked my father for his blessing on our relationship, and proposed to me later that night. So he stayed, got a job, I got a job, and I was in counselling to deal with some (okay a lot of) issues before getting married. It was important to me that I start a new marriage with a clean slate. It was a trying time for us, because he was so desperate to get back to Australia, and although I was willing to go with him, I wanted to spend time with my family.
In October of 2004, we got married. A few weeks later, I was pregnant, and a few weeks after that, we lost the babies. It was a devastating time for us, as it happened at Christmas. In January 2005, we travelled to San Antonio to visit his son, and when we arrived back in Pennsylvania, we decided that we would move to San Antonio to be closer to him. We left Pennsylvania on April Fools' Day, arrived in San Antonio a few days later, and then started looking for jobs. We signed on with multiple temporary agencies, which is how I ended up at a job which I actually really liked. Our plan was always to move to Australia, but we didn't know when. Due to some problems that are kind of personal, we decided to move sooner rather than later. In March 2006, I was pregnant again. Since we didn't have health insurance, we had to move to Australia or face poverty. Just a month later, I had some bleeding and assumed it was another miscarriage. I visited an obstetrician who confirmed that it did indeed look like a miscarriage. She said that my body would resolve things naturally, and there was no need for further treatment. We were gutted, but what could we do? We were moving overseas, we just about had no place to live, no jobs, and had to forge ahead. So we left Texas, had a 5 week pit-stop in Pennsylvania with my family, and left my whole life behind.
Upon arriving, and vomiting my face off a few times, we discovered that I had not, in point of fact, miscarried. That our 12-week old fetus was happily chugging away in there. Before you could say "like, WOW or something?", we had our first child, C. When she was 9 months old, we moved interstate, where L got his dream job. A few weeks later, in the midst of planning a trip to visit my family, we discovered that I was pregnant again. Quite a lot sooner than expected, but God has His plans, right?
While pregnant, my father died from liver cancer. It was not unexpected, but it was so hard. I had only just seen him, and I desperately wanted to be there for my family, but I was too far along in the pregnancy to fly. It was a hard pill to swallow, but my responsibility was to my family here. My husband, and my daughter, and my unborn child. In May, we had our P.
As one might expect, I struggled mightily with two children so young, so close together. In the middle of it all, we bought a house and moved yet again. There were quite a few dark times for me, and thankfully I had loads of support from my friends and family - globally, in fact. In time, (and it was a long time, 12 months to be precise) it was still challenging, but not impossible. I began to imagine P as a big sister to someone else. I had always known that three was the right number for us, but L wasn't convinced. In fact, he was firmly planted at two. At some point later on, we had a conversation that rocked my world. He said "I think we should have another baby." Just like that. You could have knocked me over with a feather! So we decided that I would try and lose weight, get a bit healthier, and then begin trying again.
Apparently, Christmas was VERY good this last year, because on January 5th, I found myself staring yet again at that oh-so-familiar stick in disbelief. I literally thought I was hallucinating!
And that brings me to today - halfway to delivery, loving Jesus, trying every single day to stay this side of crazy, and looking after my family. Oh, and this time? Yeah - I'm pregnant, and we're renovating. Good grief. I can't do anything the simple way!
=====
So, that's the recap. Hopefully you feel as though you know me a bit better, and maybe you feel encouraged. Just so long as you don't feel sorry for me - I hate that! God allowed those trials for a reason, and I'm a stronger person for them. I don't regret any of it, although there are bits that I wish had turned out differently - the stuff with my birth mother, for example - but overall, it's made me who I am today. And is she really such a bad person to be?
Comments
You are so right that the things we've been through make us who we are. But gosh, I wish people didn't have to go through things like this just to be "better" people. I'm really sorry about your dad too.
My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's just about when I was pregnant with my first and some days it's more than I can stand to see him walking and talking so slowly when I know what he was before. He's lost so so much in just a few years. It hurts too much to think of him not being there for my boys.
Anyways, thanks for sharing. I kind of wondered how you ended up in Australia. Now I'm curious, how did Lachlan end up in the US when you met?
Also, have I ever told you have a penpal (for 20+ years) from Melbourne?