Stuff to Do

Another park run in the books, and a new personal best time. :) I managed to run a bit today, and to my surprise, the paramedics were not needed. I'm feeling the teeniest bit stronger, and ever so slightly smaller. I haven't weighed myself, and I don't need to. Still not instant coffee, and I'm remembering to eat. This week is snacks. It seems a simple thing, but for me it's complicated. I am currently crushing my first assessment, which feels great. I arranged to have my practical placement, at three possible schools. I am so hopeful that after practical placement, I will be able to get full-time employment at one of these. God knows where I'm needed though, and I trust him with the outcome. I am no longer cooking dinner during the week. I got tired of planning meals, cooking them up, and serving them, only to hear cries of "That's DISGUSTING, I'm NOT EATING THAT" and "YOU MAKE THE WORST DINNERS IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD". So i...

In the post from last week, I wrote about this twelve-week thing I'm trying, and I did indeed manage to not drink instant coffee all week. I also ate breakfast every day, and tried to be more active - I was feeling a bit under the weather, and had four children at home sick for two days, but this morning was my very first park run (I walked). Photos were taken. I HATE seeing photos of myself, generally speaking. This photo, the first thing I noticed was my face, which I thought looked cranky. My friend says I look determined. We'll go with that. The next thing I noticed is my shape. I've put on a lot of weight over the years, and while I know that, in theory - seeing evidence of it is uncomfortable. A lot of what I'm doing right now is uncomfortable. Self-care, physical activity, starting a course of study - it lies a billion light years outside my comfort zone. In the raising of these children, in the growing of my family, one of the things I want to impart to them i...

This process of getting myself sorted is not by any interpretation of the word, linear. It's more like Whack-a-Mole combined with Crazy Teacups and Bumper Cars (Dodgems, if you like). Now that I'm sorting out help for our son, my anxiety is managed, I've enrolled and started studying, it is time to address the elephant in the room (pun not intended). For years, I have struggled to get to and maintain a healthy weight. There are heaps of programmes out there, but they all feel like punishment for being obese. Every person can tell you what worked for them, but if I'm in the business of not comparing myself to others, I can't realistically expect that it will work for me. I just need to learn how to eat again. How much, how often, which foods. I need to reforge the connection between my brain and my stomach - I've ignored hunger cues for so long that I don't really know when I'm hungry. This has led to extremely disordered eating which I want to chan...