What is in My Cup?

Here I sit, at my kitchen table, in the stillness. God's word in front of me, coffee mug beside. Thoughts being divinely ordered for the day. Ticking over all the 'to-do', and looking for grace and purpose in it all. 

It truly is a wonderful way to start the day, and perhaps the ultimate form of self-care. People always say, you can't fill from an empty cup, but what is my cup filled with? I'm learning that unless I fill my cup first with God's best for me, then the cup will run dry. When I consistently and intentionally start with seeking his will for my life, and seeking to live his way, everything else falls into place. Not perfect, not problem-free, but in its place. When trials and difficulties come, I am equipped to face them because I have his word, the Bible, hidden in my heart. I'm not perfect. I make a lot of mistakes. Just ask my family! But by seeking God's wisdom, I can see those mistakes. By the torn veil in the sanctuary, I can ask forgiveness, and by Christ's death and resurrection, I am restored. I can start my day fresh, freed from the sins of yesterday. Believe me, I've grown complacent, and set about ordering my life without truly consulting God. It might feel as though things are cruising along, but it never lasts. Any success I have in the work of my hands, is because I trust in someone greater than myself for the outcome.

I am preparing for a new season of my life, and the decision process has been long. I have loved being at home with my children. Not every minute, but in general it has been wonderful. The last two years though, I have struggled with it. I want more than just cleaning my house all day so they can come home and wreck it. I want more than preparing meals they declare "disgusting" (all but one of my children are intensely selective in their tastes). I want more than repeating the same instructions, four times over, a dozen times a day. I'm tired of my whole existence being diminished to the individual responsible for knowing where everything is at all times. Because my husband works away, this is even more true. I shoulder 80% of the load here at home. The children? maybe 2%. The rest is my husband, when he is here.

When we graduated to the 'four kids' part of life, it was so intense, that I took control of our family life. It was the only way I could be okay with life. And for a few years, it worked. The down side of this method was that everyone stopped growing, learning, and developing. I did EVERYTHING, so nobody had to, which brings us to now.

My desire to commence study is hindered by the situation I have created, so I'm creating a new situation. I'm enrolling in a course, full-time, and as for the rest? Sink or swim time. I'm still available for instruction, but I'm fairly certain that everyone is far more capable than I'm giving them credit for. The only way for them to step up is for me to step back. It will be a big adjustment for all of us, but I'm putting routines into place that will be helpful, and perhaps the most important one is starting my day with intention, and a full cup, so I can pour out of it all day long.

Have a fantastic day!
Sarah