Stuff to Do

Current events have been weighing heavily on me of late. Perhaps even heavier though is the knowledge that people I've known for ages aren't responding the way I would have thought.  Today, I was on my merry way home from playgroup, to clean up my house (which obviously isn't happening, but when the word strikes, you write!). As I approached a busy street in front of a school, I saw a football go over the fence, and roll across the road and come to a stop. The children were gesturing madly, with a look of desperation (isn't everything desperate when you're 9?).  I could have said, "I've got so much to do." This would not be a lie. I could have said, "Someone else will surely sort it out." Probably. I could have said, "But why should I do this for them?" Selfish, but valid question. I could have said, "That will teach them to be more careful in the future." Well, that would just be plain mean.  I didn't say ...

I watched this bird this morning, being chased by another bird. She wasn't watching where she was flying, she was just fleeing. She flew into the side of the house. and dropped to the deck. As I watched her just sitting there, looking around, but not getting up, I began to feel a weird connection to this poor bird.  You see, I had a terrible morning yesterday with my children. Probably the worst one ever. I hit a major wall, and all day long, I was exhausted from the guilt. Couldn't catch my breath, chest felt tight, and I couldn't lift a finger to do anything. Paralysed by stress.  Then I saw this bird, and as I sat there watching her, I felt as though I couldn't leave without seeing her be okay. I had to know it was possible to hit a wall and fly again. I literally sat at my desk, looking out the window, and talked out loud to the bird, encouraging her to get up. Telling her it was okay, that she would be fine.  You know, all the things I needed to hear but some...

Life has been a bit all over the shop lately. I'm relying on my faith in God and His almighty plan for my life, while simply doing the best I can with the gifts I've been given. Sometimes that looks like being at church every Sunday, and sometimes it looks like staying at home to care for my husband and children. God's given me the gift of emotional intelligence, empathy, and insightfulness. Sometimes that looks like me seeing that my family need me to be here, and sometimes it looks like me escaping a few hours to Bible study. Neither of those things, (going/not going to church/Bible study) mean that I love God more or less. It means that I take my marriage vows to heart, and I'm simply doing the best I can to work out what that should look like with a husband who does not, at this point in time, share my faith. It's an impossibly difficult situation, but most of the time, I think I get it right.  The Christmas season is one of those times of the year which I use...