Plans

I love a good plan. In fact, I spend a great deal of time planning. Activities, meals, shopping, how and when I will do housework. If I can get up on Monday morning, and simply follow my lists, I have a brilliant day. Like Rainbows-Coming-Out-My-Nose-brilliant. 

During Influenza/Pneumonia Week, I had a Plan. 

None of my Plan happened. And I struggled with that. Nobody wanted to eat the meals I had planned. Which meant the carefully thought out shopping lists were useless. And not having everyone go to their assigned destination (school, preschool) meant that my Oh-So-Amazingly-EPIC to-do lists were absolutely not achievable. 

I did not handle this well. I got up Monday, and felt unwell. But I had a Plan. I went to the pool, did thirty lengths of the pool, did the shopping, but came home and basically collapsed. Unable to cook, clean, or do anything but shiver and sweat and ache. And my Plan - it collapsed too. We went into survival mode. If the children could reach it off a shelf, they could eat it. The television we'd removed from the lounge room? On from dawn until dusk. I was too tired and sick to argue about anything. Want to wear clothes to bed? Sure. Dishes went undone, floors un-vacuumed, refrigerator unexplored. Laundry was washed, but sitting on a bed, waiting to be folded and put away. Things which simply were too hard when you have the flu. Then Thursday, I got an appointment to take my daughter to the doctor, and life became wildly unplanned. Even as my family slowly regained their health, we were blessed with so much food from our church family and friends. By Tuesday, we had enough food to last the rest of the week (and then some!). 

For the first time in a long time, I had no menu. I had no plan. I had no schedule. And it was hard, because I think I had come to rely on my awesome planning more than I was relying on God. I was completely dependent on the goodwill of others, and my own plans went in the toilet. 

There's a reason the song isn't "How Great My Plans", and I know that now, in a very real way. Being organised is important, but ultimately, it provides only the illusion of control. I am not in control, and I don't know about you, but I am humbled by that knowledge. I still might have Pplans, but I guess I am more aware now that they may or may not coincide with God's Plans. And in the bigger picture, those are the ones I want to be a part of. Who better to plan my life than the One who knit me in my mother's womb? 

I still delight in being organised. I still get a thrill out of a day which goes like clockwork. The difference is that now, I know it's not really about my planning skills. It's about the Plan my Father has for me, and has had for me since before time began, and my willingness to let go of my own plans and embrace His. 

Here's to letting go of being In Control (because we're not anyway!)

xo, Sarah