Huh. Maybe...?

You know, I’m like my dad. Always have been.

I’m tenacious, which at times has been such a good quality to have. At other times, not so much. When a situation isn’t working, I tend to be oblivious, and continue pressing on with it, until it’s a big fat mess.

I continue on with things long past the point when it would have been reasonable, nay intelligent, to quit.

Like when I wouldn’t quit the Navy despite regular and unexplained chest pain and elevated (220 plus) heart rates during exercise, because I couldn’t bear to have people pity me. I wanted so desperately to succeed, that I was willing to sacrifice my own health and well-being to do it.

Like when I tried to continue my life as normal after having my second child. That didn’t work out so well.

Like when I get completely bent out of shape because things aren’t perfectly clean, and lose it because “No one cleans up after themselves!!!”

Like when the girls are wound up and won’t go to sleep and instead of sorting out the problem, I march in with flared nostrils and crazy eyebrows and command them to go to sleep. That doesn’t work, by the way.

I’ve come to realise that I tend to ignore the obvious until it’s REALLY obvious.

I visited with a friend recently and you know something? She doesn’t live in a museum – but her home is a happy one. Warm, welcoming, and nourishing.

I want that. I want my home to be one filled with laughter and light and love. And if it’s not perfectly clean all the time, then so be it. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m not saying I want to live in filth, but for crying out loud, who really cares if there are some toys on the floor, or if the laundry isn’t emptied daily, or if there is a strange stain on the floor? If everything is perfect, but my children don’t want to be inside for fear of messing something up, what does that say about how welcoming my home is?

I need to chill out and lighten up. None of that crap really matters, and I want my home to be more than just a clean house with people in it.

‘Nuff said...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What a relief!

I have a hard time keeping secrets. Not other people's secrets, but my own. So when I have a secret, I really want to broadcast it to the world. The last 5 days have been incredibly difficult for me, but finally I can tell everyone.   I am indeed, as my sister eloquently put it, with child. Well, given the title of my blog I'm usually with child, but specifically, my uterus is with child again.   It's truly amazing how even just the knowledge that you are pregnant can change your perceptions. Monday, I didn't know. It didn't even cross my mind. Tuesday morning, I didn't know. Tuesday afternoon, I know. And all of a sudden, I'm exhausted and nauseated. Physically, I am no different, really from Monday to today. But mentally, emotionally? My world has been officially rocked!   XOXO, Sarah
Keep reading

Where Do We Go Next?

The truth is, nobody really knows what happens next.  At the stroke of midnight,  people will celebrate the close of a year that has felt absolutely interminable. We all hope things get better, we talk about how we are hopeful - but what are we going to DO to make it better? I'm a storyteller. In the words that I write, in the food I prepare, in singing, in decorating my home, in my garden. Until now, much of my storytelling has been reflective, introspective. In this new year, I want to tell stories that bring us together. I'm stepping out of my own head, and writing words that tell the story of courageously walking towards that big fat question mark.  What happens next? Don't know, and it doesn't matter. I'm stepping out to meet it no matter what it is. I'm not hiding behind pretty words for another day of my life.  What would my life be like if I finished my certificate and got a job at a school? I don't know, but I'm doing it anyway. What would it fe
Keep reading

Please understand

I know I haven't been very communicative lately, and trust me - there's a really REALLY good reason. I'll be able to spill the beans in a few days' time, but until then, it's really hard for me to write anything without giving anything away. So, as soon as possible, I'll be back to normal blogging practices, boring the daylights out of you all with my inane stories of poop, pee, and other hilarious bodily functions. :-)   XOXO, Sarah
Keep reading