Life

is just one big ball of crazy.

 

In the last few years, I've been through more major life events than some people get in a lifetime.

 

Moving? (domestic and international) Tick. Tick, tick, tick, and tick.

Pregnancy? Tick.

Miscarriage? Tick.

Divorce? Tick.

Marriage? Tick.

Buying a house? Tick.

Death of beloved family members? Tick. Tick, Tick, Tick, and Tick.

Getting in contact with my estranged brothers? Tick.

Finding a half-brother who used to be my second cousin? Tick.

Finding another nephew? Tick.

Childbirth? Tick, Tick.

Toddlerhood? Ticking.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though it seems like a lot when you look at it all at once, these things didn't happen all at the same time. And they've all refined me, to some extent. I'm such a different person than I used to be.

I can play different songs on my daughter's toy xylophone.

I know the words to Wiggles songs.

I often go out with unidentified stains on my shirts.

I can carry a dead-tired toddler up two flights of stairs to bed.

I can now take pills (only specific kinds though).

I treasure quiet moments more. 

I worry less.

I smile more.

I'm better at asking for help. And accepting it when it comes.  

I shop more wisely.

My priorities have changed, although I did catch myself this morning thinking that I "need" another handbag for going out, one that doesn't look like a nappy/diaper bag. I guess that part of me that yearns to be stylish and cool is still there somewhere.

I don't impulsively buy stuff for myself nowadays, and if I buy anything at all, it's usually for the kids .

I've started paying attention to what's on the television when Charlotte's awake, because even cartoons can be frightening. 

Anyway, I'm rambling, and although it might sound like I'm mourning my old life, I'm not. Would I rather be out at a party with friends, or at home holding my sick, feverish, whimpering toddler- easy. We didn't go to the party last night, and although I really wanted to go, I really wanted to be here for Charlotte if she was wakeful and/or unsettled. She's still sick, by the way - she's not really feverish, but doesn't want to eat anything, and is just generally sort of whimpery. Sleeping a lot, but just now waking up. So it's time for me to go.

Later, alligators!

XOXO,

Sarah