Sometimes things have to be taken apart and put back together
I was functional, but only just. Surviving each week, but not thriving or growing. Growing distant, maybe. In this weird zone of not happy but not unhappy either.
Then? Things broke, and God showed me just how strong he is. The last two months have been hard. Full of dying to self, full of love, full of redemption and crazy faith. Full of healing, restoration, and truth. In order for the beginning of the new, we had to end the old, and trust me, it was one of those cliff-hanging chapters that have you thinking "How can THAT come out okay???"
And yet, here I am. Tender, bruised, wary, but whole. Stepping into a completely new life, not knowing what comes next. For my part, I'm okay with that, and by "okay" I mean I trust that God has a plan, and that's enough for me.
I haven't known how to write about this because it's not entirely my own story. It also belongs to others, and I want to respect their privacy. This is my blog though, and the story I tell is through my heart.
I'm so used to being on my own, that having a partner who is fully present is challenging, and it's like having a stranger suddenly living in my house. I've only known him one way, and that person is someone different to who he is now. The new is definitely better, and I don't want to go back to the old version. Ever. It does take some getting used to though. I am so accustomed to trying to do everything then failing (because I'm human and have limits) and hating myself, that the concept of delegation, success and not loathing myself is awkward, as though I'm wearing someone else's clothes. I've worn that identity like armour, and now that things are different, I feel a bit vulnerable, but it's not necessarily a bad thing.
This newly reassembled life I'm living is so good. Joy-filled, contented, excitement for whatever lies ahead, and a faith that means -
It's all good, my friends. ALL good.
XO, Sarah
Then? Things broke, and God showed me just how strong he is. The last two months have been hard. Full of dying to self, full of love, full of redemption and crazy faith. Full of healing, restoration, and truth. In order for the beginning of the new, we had to end the old, and trust me, it was one of those cliff-hanging chapters that have you thinking "How can THAT come out okay???"
And yet, here I am. Tender, bruised, wary, but whole. Stepping into a completely new life, not knowing what comes next. For my part, I'm okay with that, and by "okay" I mean I trust that God has a plan, and that's enough for me.
I haven't known how to write about this because it's not entirely my own story. It also belongs to others, and I want to respect their privacy. This is my blog though, and the story I tell is through my heart.
I'm so used to being on my own, that having a partner who is fully present is challenging, and it's like having a stranger suddenly living in my house. I've only known him one way, and that person is someone different to who he is now. The new is definitely better, and I don't want to go back to the old version. Ever. It does take some getting used to though. I am so accustomed to trying to do everything then failing (because I'm human and have limits) and hating myself, that the concept of delegation, success and not loathing myself is awkward, as though I'm wearing someone else's clothes. I've worn that identity like armour, and now that things are different, I feel a bit vulnerable, but it's not necessarily a bad thing.
This newly reassembled life I'm living is so good. Joy-filled, contented, excitement for whatever lies ahead, and a faith that means -
It's all good, my friends. ALL good.
XO, Sarah
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