Something has Changed
It is difficult to put into words, this subtle yet monumental shift.
Everything which seemed to be so important, yet so hard - suddenly it seems achievable. I am not certain what was in the way, or what has changed.
Mountain of paperwork on my desk, taunting me for months now? Consider it flattened.
Phone calls needing to be made? Done.
Appointments needing to be scheduled? On the books.
Exercise? Even I can manage ten minutes a day (it's a start)
Drinking water? One sip at a time.
Study? Can't wait.
Cleaning my house? Only as much as I can handle in a half-hour.
Doing something I love? Surely I can pull out a music book and practice singing, create something, or read for ten minutes (again, baby steps!)
Even today, with one child home (asthma-related respiratory crud), and kids doing the opposite of getting ready for school, and a dog who can push the door open yet not closed (she too originated in Narnia I suspect, but can a dog be taught to close a door??) - I am okay. better than okay. All of these things are bouncing off the surface, and none of it is out of God's sight or control. Which is the thing that hasn't changed, yet my view of it has. I am working so hard to keep my sights on the one who is really in control, and relaxing my death-grip on the illusion that I alone control everything. Not that I really believed I was God, just that my tendency seems to be thinking he somehow needs my help.
I'll need to sign off now, because the child who has been up for two hours has suddenly realised she hasn't made her lunch, and there's a good chance we'll be late.
And that too, is still okay. :)
XO,
Sarah
Everything which seemed to be so important, yet so hard - suddenly it seems achievable. I am not certain what was in the way, or what has changed.
Mountain of paperwork on my desk, taunting me for months now? Consider it flattened.
Phone calls needing to be made? Done.
Appointments needing to be scheduled? On the books.
Exercise? Even I can manage ten minutes a day (it's a start)
Drinking water? One sip at a time.
Study? Can't wait.
Cleaning my house? Only as much as I can handle in a half-hour.
Doing something I love? Surely I can pull out a music book and practice singing, create something, or read for ten minutes (again, baby steps!)
Even today, with one child home (asthma-related respiratory crud), and kids doing the opposite of getting ready for school, and a dog who can push the door open yet not closed (she too originated in Narnia I suspect, but can a dog be taught to close a door??) - I am okay. better than okay. All of these things are bouncing off the surface, and none of it is out of God's sight or control. Which is the thing that hasn't changed, yet my view of it has. I am working so hard to keep my sights on the one who is really in control, and relaxing my death-grip on the illusion that I alone control everything. Not that I really believed I was God, just that my tendency seems to be thinking he somehow needs my help.
I'll need to sign off now, because the child who has been up for two hours has suddenly realised she hasn't made her lunch, and there's a good chance we'll be late.
And that too, is still okay. :)
XO,
Sarah
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