Hide and Seek
I'm a hider. Risk-averse -despite marrying a man after only knowing each other 15 months, and then following him overseas to build a life. No, apart from that, I do not like to take risks, gamble on the unknown. Consider the following:
- I wouldn't speak a word of French until I was certain I could do it perfectly. My teacher was so impressed when I finally uttered my first sentence, she thought I was going to fail the class!
- In spite of being a naturally talented vocalist, I gave it up because I can't bear audtioning for parts.
- When I joined the Navy to be a linguist, I could have chosen any language, but I chose Spanish because I was certain I'd be good at it. I was an excellent linguist, and I loved it - but I sabotaged myself by not maintaining fitness and weight standards.
- When I write something I'm particularly proud of, I immediately develop writers' block. It's as if I've convinced myself that I cannot possibly be good at something, or enjoy something - and if I do, then it must be wrong, wrong, wrong.
- Having finished my first unit of study with flying colours, and having enjoyed it immensely, I am now at a loss because my need to do things for other people (gaining a qualification so I can get a job and contribute financially to my family) is fighting with my belief that I am not allowed to be good at something and enjoy it simultaneously.
Do you see a pattern?
I'm done hiding. I'm so, so DONE. I'm sick to death of not living fully, not loving who I am, not living up to my God-given potential. I want to be someone of whom my children can be proud.
I'm giving up on perfection and celebrating the life I've been given. I'm seeking Joy, instead of hiding from it.
Ready or not, here I come. :)
XO,
Sarah
- I wouldn't speak a word of French until I was certain I could do it perfectly. My teacher was so impressed when I finally uttered my first sentence, she thought I was going to fail the class!
- In spite of being a naturally talented vocalist, I gave it up because I can't bear audtioning for parts.
- When I joined the Navy to be a linguist, I could have chosen any language, but I chose Spanish because I was certain I'd be good at it. I was an excellent linguist, and I loved it - but I sabotaged myself by not maintaining fitness and weight standards.
- When I write something I'm particularly proud of, I immediately develop writers' block. It's as if I've convinced myself that I cannot possibly be good at something, or enjoy something - and if I do, then it must be wrong, wrong, wrong.
- Having finished my first unit of study with flying colours, and having enjoyed it immensely, I am now at a loss because my need to do things for other people (gaining a qualification so I can get a job and contribute financially to my family) is fighting with my belief that I am not allowed to be good at something and enjoy it simultaneously.
Do you see a pattern?
I'm done hiding. I'm so, so DONE. I'm sick to death of not living fully, not loving who I am, not living up to my God-given potential. I want to be someone of whom my children can be proud.
I'm giving up on perfection and celebrating the life I've been given. I'm seeking Joy, instead of hiding from it.
Ready or not, here I come. :)
XO,
Sarah
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