Stuff to Do

The thing about not having self-confidence means that I am highly vulnerable to the word "should". I *should* make my children be tidy, but I *should* also serve them with a joyful heart. (there is NOTHING JOYFUL about making my children be tidy. EVER.) I *should* do things this way, but also that way. I *should* feel happy and grateful all the time, because when I am depressed I'm not trusting God and maybe my salvation isn't genuine? I *should* make sure I get rest. But I *should* also be productive all the time. I *should* not worry about the housework, but I *should* keep a clean house. It's exhausting, frustrating, and I'm DONE with that word. I am going to love my God, serving Him and loving my family with a joyful heart, in whichever way He leads me. Everyone else can have their opinions, but I'm not accountable to them. I cannot serve two masters. I am the parent to my children, the wife to my husband. I am the only person who knows wh...

I made the choice at the start of summer holidays to go off my medication. While it was excellent at cutting through the dark fog surrounding me, it also addled my brains a bit. I had a sense of being 'outside' my life looking in, rather than actually being in it. In some ways this was great - tantrums, whinging, sibling rivalry - they all skimmed the surface of my awareness, instead of barging in the door and making themselves at home, wrecking the joint. In other ways though, it was very difficult for me to be present for others, and engage. Also, there were some other side effects that while not dire, left me feeling a bit 'meh'. Having had my husband around for three weeks has been incredibly helpful, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit anxious about when he goes back to work, as it's still three(ish) weeks until the children go back to school - but I still think I'm in the right frame of mind to try alternative methods of working with anxiety ...