Big, Small, Important
I'm loving life again. Antidepressants can take ages to work, but by the grace of God, I have found the right one, the right dose, quickly. And it's working. The darkness which has been my companion for nearly a decade - it's just not there. It's a bit strange because the way I'm feeling, which is a new kind of normal, is foreign. It is a deep, deep happiness; an awareness of little things which I simply could not see and an 'unawareness' of little things which before, seemed so big and frightening. There is a 'letting go' of some things, and a 'holding close' of others. Practically, I have more energy. I've been able to walk the dog, and to my surprise, I enjoyed it. The physiotherapist says I will eventually be able to run, and I'm hoping to do some local park runs with my husband. The dietitian is helping me work through some things, too. I've got a committed network of friends and professionals, all helping me to get well. I'm enjoying music, cooking, reading and writing again. I'm not as grouchy.
Some things haven't changed - I still am not a fan of large groups of people, or a lot of noise. I still can't answer questions before coffee, but I'm not evil about it.
I was on a train the other morning, and watching the hills roll by, marvelling at ancient trees in the middle of paddocks, giant boulder formations, the endless expanse of sky. Thinking about how big it all is, and how tiny I am in comparison - and yet, if I were not here, this world would not be the same. If one thing changes, it all changes. One tree growing in a different place changes the entire landscape. I am here, you are here - we are all here, because we are MEANT to be here. When trials come, and they still do - I take enormous comfort in knowing that I was handpicked for this time, this place. Even when I can't work out the 'why' of it all, I am satisfied to just be a part of wherever I am.
This universe is so big, and I am so small - but as small as I am, I am important to the universe because I was placed in it. If nobody has told you today, I'll just say it - YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
Have a great day, and God Bless.
Sarah
Some things haven't changed - I still am not a fan of large groups of people, or a lot of noise. I still can't answer questions before coffee, but I'm not evil about it.
I was on a train the other morning, and watching the hills roll by, marvelling at ancient trees in the middle of paddocks, giant boulder formations, the endless expanse of sky. Thinking about how big it all is, and how tiny I am in comparison - and yet, if I were not here, this world would not be the same. If one thing changes, it all changes. One tree growing in a different place changes the entire landscape. I am here, you are here - we are all here, because we are MEANT to be here. When trials come, and they still do - I take enormous comfort in knowing that I was handpicked for this time, this place. Even when I can't work out the 'why' of it all, I am satisfied to just be a part of wherever I am.
This universe is so big, and I am so small - but as small as I am, I am important to the universe because I was placed in it. If nobody has told you today, I'll just say it - YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
Have a great day, and God Bless.
Sarah
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