The Itch
I've written openly about eczema, and how it affects our family. Something else which I have not shared, for fear of judgement and guilt, is how it affects my ability to relate to my children.
Our family life practically revolves around The Itch. Preventing The Itch, Controlling The Itch, Managing The Itch, and finally, Repairing the damage done from scratching - you guessed it - The Itch.
The Itch encourages me to see my children not as God's beautiful creatures, but as yet another thing on my to-do list. I see them as evidence of my own failure to care for a living being. The line between being a child who has The Itch, and being The Itch personified is blurred. Particularly at 3am, when I am up for the fourth time, feeling hopelessly inadequate yet completely necessary, with a toddler who would probably love to sleep.
She doesn't know what it's like to not have The Itch.
She thinks it's normal to wear socks on her hands, masking tape around her wrists, ankles, and waist.
She's never had a solid night of sleep. Ever. She went from being a baby, feeding through the night, to being an infant, itching through the night.
We get these moments, like when the sun pierces the clouds and shoots sunbeams from the heavens, that are so rare. Moments when she forgets about The Itch. In these moments we fit laughter, play, and some seriously enjoyable time just getting to know each other. I get to see her as a little girl, and not as The Itch. Then, just as quickly, the moment ends, she remembers being itchy, and we go back to patient/nurse.
I live for those moments. They keep me going when I am up sponging her skin where she's scratched it raw, reapplying cream. When I am snuggling her until her breathing slows and I know she's drifted off to a place where, Lord willing, she is not itchy.
I have long given up hope of our own 'miracle' cure. After three children, all afflicted in varying degrees, we have tried (and tried and tried and tried) an awful lot of different things. I was resolved to just ride it out, enjoying our brief periods of healthy skin, and persevering through the rest of it. Just the other day, we've been referred to a clinic that's reputed to be amazing. I went through this whole debate in my head over whether we would pursue it or not. And in the end, I came to the conclusion that while I'm not really expecting a miracle, I'm quietly hopeful that perhaps a degree of relief can be found. I know that we can't continue to go on like this, and the truth is that if she were affected by something more sinister than simply bad skin, we would go to the ends of the earth to make her better. That's what parents do. We give sacrificially, of our time, our energy, our money, our health, and even sometimes our sanity. We do it because we love them.
I do it because I love her, with or without The Itch.
Cheers,
Sarah
Our family life practically revolves around The Itch. Preventing The Itch, Controlling The Itch, Managing The Itch, and finally, Repairing the damage done from scratching - you guessed it - The Itch.
The Itch encourages me to see my children not as God's beautiful creatures, but as yet another thing on my to-do list. I see them as evidence of my own failure to care for a living being. The line between being a child who has The Itch, and being The Itch personified is blurred. Particularly at 3am, when I am up for the fourth time, feeling hopelessly inadequate yet completely necessary, with a toddler who would probably love to sleep.
She doesn't know what it's like to not have The Itch.
She thinks it's normal to wear socks on her hands, masking tape around her wrists, ankles, and waist.
She's never had a solid night of sleep. Ever. She went from being a baby, feeding through the night, to being an infant, itching through the night.
We get these moments, like when the sun pierces the clouds and shoots sunbeams from the heavens, that are so rare. Moments when she forgets about The Itch. In these moments we fit laughter, play, and some seriously enjoyable time just getting to know each other. I get to see her as a little girl, and not as The Itch. Then, just as quickly, the moment ends, she remembers being itchy, and we go back to patient/nurse.
I live for those moments. They keep me going when I am up sponging her skin where she's scratched it raw, reapplying cream. When I am snuggling her until her breathing slows and I know she's drifted off to a place where, Lord willing, she is not itchy.
I have long given up hope of our own 'miracle' cure. After three children, all afflicted in varying degrees, we have tried (and tried and tried and tried) an awful lot of different things. I was resolved to just ride it out, enjoying our brief periods of healthy skin, and persevering through the rest of it. Just the other day, we've been referred to a clinic that's reputed to be amazing. I went through this whole debate in my head over whether we would pursue it or not. And in the end, I came to the conclusion that while I'm not really expecting a miracle, I'm quietly hopeful that perhaps a degree of relief can be found. I know that we can't continue to go on like this, and the truth is that if she were affected by something more sinister than simply bad skin, we would go to the ends of the earth to make her better. That's what parents do. We give sacrificially, of our time, our energy, our money, our health, and even sometimes our sanity. We do it because we love them.
I do it because I love her, with or without The Itch.
Cheers,
Sarah
Comments
I have severe eczema and have had it for about 20 years. (I've also had 4 kids in 4-1/2 years! They are now 6, almost 5, 3, and almost 2.) Two of those kids struggle with allergies, asthma, and eczema like me. I know some of it is related to dust, some to pollen allergies, but I haven't really explored dietary changes because to this point it has been complicated enough just trying to keep up with a nursing baby, trying to a couple toddlers, a kindergartener, and my husband! LOL! But now that all four are eating mostly what we eat, I may be able to look into some changes. Enjoyed reading your January post and trying to set some goals here myself in this new stage of life with two school age children.
Nice "meeting" you!